


Mea Culpa

by 808abc123



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3107714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/808abc123/pseuds/808abc123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New Story.  All human AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

“Dr. Lewis, please come in.”

The slender brunette gave Lauren a cheeky smile as the blonde entered the lavish conference room followed closely by her tall, snarky lawyer.  She crossed the room and headed to the opposite end of the long table where she took a seat at the end chair and had to appreciate the comfortable leather chairs surrounding the obviously expensive conference table equipped with the latest state of the art technology.  Without saying a word the tall blonde to her right opened her briefcase and pulled out a few files along with some legal documents and a pad of standard issue legal paper.  Lauren sat back in the seat with a sigh knowing this wouldn’t be an easy meeting and she was bracing herself for the worst possible outcome.

“Can I offer you ladies anything?  Coffee?  Water?  Vodka?”

Tamsin rolled her eyes and looked at Evony with distaste.  “Little early to be drinking isn’t it Counselor?”

Evony laughed and waived her hand in the air nonchalantly.  “Lighten up Tamsin, this is all in good fun right?  If you weren’t wound so tightly perhaps you’d see that.”

Tamsin snorted.  “And if you weren’t so off your shit all the time you’d see it isn’t.”

The brunette scowled as she moved back over to the table and took a seat next to her client.  If anyone should happen to stumble into the room they would probably be shaking in their boots from any one of the four women in the room. 

Lauren Lewis was an accomplished surgeon who had her own private practices in California and New York where she serviced the top one percent of both cities and literally made miracles happen on a daily basis between her practice and her research.  She was a few years away from curing cancer and she knew with a little more work she’d have her Nobel Peace Prize before she turned 40. 

Tamsin Ingvar was an attorney who lived up to every word of the reputation that always preceded her.  Fierce, aggressive and tough she was a handful when challenged and she had been friends with Lauren since their childhood days when they would play in the park together up through the time they attended Yale together, Lauren for Medical School and Tamsin for Law.  For the most part she was more bark than bite but the tall blonde had been known to clean out an opposing client or twenty so whenever people did business with her they were on their toes at all times.

Evony Marquise was every bit as smart as she was cunning and in her line of work it paid her dividends time and time again.  She had originally been working in Washington DC heading up the legal teams for several multi-national corporations when she’d been whisked away to Los Angeles to serve as the executive council for Dennis Enterprise.  At first she’d laughed the offer off but when an envelope containing a seven digit figure was presented to her as retainer for one year of work she was intrigued.  She was hired sight unseen and since arriving in California she’d made her presence known to the city at large.  She was top of her class at Harvard and she knew the world was her oyster as she allowed herself to enjoy the lavish things in life all while maintaining her cutthroat attitude.

Bo Dennis was the fourth member of the group and her story was the most complicated of all.  Seemingly coming out of nowhere she had no parents and no siblings, save for her best friend Kenzi who was really the reason she wasn’t lying in a ditch somewhere like she probably should have.  It wasn’t until her twenty fifth birthday did she even learn she was related to a member of the Irish Mob and not just any member, but Fitzpatrick McCorrigan.  The shitbag did nothing right in his life but he had managed to climb the ladder so to speak so when he was gunned down everyone was surprised to learn that all of his wealth was left to his granddaughter that no one knew anything about.  Bo inherited billions of legal and illegal funds and soon she was on her way to a life of luxury, quite the change from the shitty bartending job she’d had as she tried to put herself through community college.

“Sorry…sorry I’m late.  Traffic in this city sucks.  Okay…hi…”

The four ladies turned to the whirlwind of energy that had just burst through the door with shocked and curious expressions.  The young lady gave them a genuine smile as she walked into the room and took a seat at the head of the table between the two pairs.  “Hi, I’m Kate and I’m the mediator.”

Lauren looked at Tamsin who shrugged slightly and looked at Evony who was looking at Kate with a confused look.  “I’m sorry, I thought I’d asked Judge Thompson for the best mediator on his staff.”

Kate gave her an amused smile.  “You did and yet here I am.  Okay, so…where should we start?”

Tamsin began to open the folders to get her paperwork out but Evony hadn’t even budged as she sat up and folded her arms in slight annoyance.  “I’m sorry…Kate…but you have to understand this case is—“

Kate put her hand up and gave Evony a fake smile.  “This case is important and high profile and one that I’m doing as a favor to Judge Thompson because my father lost a golfing bet with him decades ago.  So, how about you let me pay off my debt and worry about mediating and you just worry about your client and reaching a favorable outcome okay?”

Tamsin smirked as she took in the young woman and was impressed with her panache.  Hardly anyone would stand up to Evony once she was in full bitch mode so it was nice to see this Kate person operate with some balls.  She knew things were going to be handled fairly so any fear she had about this being a set up by Evony were slowly dissipating.  Kate sat back in the five thousand dollar leather chair and folded her hands in her lap as she looked at Tamsin and Evony in turn.  “Now that we got the introductions out of the way where should we start?”

Tamsin noticed Kate didn’t have any files with her and she was wondering how much the mediator knew about this case but any question she may have had was voiced by Evony in her attempt to continue the verbal sparring.  “Do you even have the docket on this case?  From the way you came bursting in here I’m starting to doubt you even had a chance to read through it before this morning.”

Kate ignored her and turned to Tamsin with a smile.  “Why don’t you tell me what the deal is?”

Tamsin nodded as she glanced down at her notes more for show than anything else.  She was beyond prepared for this so she didn’t really need to refer to anything unless some abstract question was raised.  “Nice to meet you by the way I’m Tamsin Ingvar.  My client, Dr. Lewis, and her partner are terminating their legal relationship and we are here to settle assets.”

Kate nodded and turned to Evony with a small smile.  “And I already know who you are Counselor so why don’t you tell me what Ms. Dennis’s stance on this is?”

Evony rolled her eyes as she sat back comfortably.  “My client would like to split fifty-fifty including all property and cash assets with the condition that any future scientific or medical accomplishment remain tied to Dennis Enterprise.  The company has provided billions of dollars of valuable research money and just because the personal relationship has met its demise she feels the professional relationship should thrive and would be willing to continue her contributions towards future projects.”

Kate nodded and looked at Lauren with confusion.  “And you don’t agree with this?”

Lauren looked at Tamsin who shook her head.  “My client demands total separation from Dennis Enterprise once their union is terminated.”

Evony laughed.  “And should you sever all financial ties I have it in good authority that the Lewis Foundation that Dr. Lewis manages would crumble.”

Tamsin snarled as she looked at Evony with disgust.  “And my client would rather meet financial ruin than continue to be associated with Dennis Enterprises.  In fact, she’s prepared to forgo all monetary and physical assets due her if Bo will withdraw Dennis Enterprises as a donor from her research corporation.”

Kate sat back and put her hands together as she looked at the group thoughtfully.  “You know, this is probably only the third mediation I’ve done with legal representation on both sides.  Forgive me for asking but the information I was provided indicated this was an amicable split?”

Lauren seethed quietly in her chair as she glared across the table at her soon to be ex-wife.  Bo had the decency to keep her eyes trained to the table and Evony smirked as she looked at Tamsin with a taunting manner.  “Well I’d be okay with Bo and Lauren continuing on with no representation however I’m not sure she could handle it could you Doctor?”

Lauren growled lowly but not soft enough for Kate not to hear.  She glanced at the blonde Doctor curiously before looking at Tamsin and Evony with a nod.  “Could you give me a moment alone with Dr. Lewis and Ms. Dennis?”

The two counselors looked at each other silently before both nodded imperceptibly and stood up slowly.  Tamsin patted Lauren’s shoulder lightly and leaned down to whisper into her ear.  “You’ll be fine Laur.  Just remember, if it goes to shit just walk out okay?  I’ll be right outside.”

Lauren nodded and gave her a weak smile as she watched Tamsin walk out the door followed closely by Evony.  Kate had watched the interaction between the pair and wondered what the real deal was there.  She could sense some serious tension in the room and her gut was telling her it was due to the lawyers being present.

“So…Bo, Lauren…who wants to go first?”

Neither woman looked at each other as they both sat there quietly ignoring the elephant in the room.  While they may be fuming internally both women were composed enough to understand this was not the time to act like children.  Kate looked back and forth to them quietly for a few seconds before sighing and leaning forward on the table slightly.  “Okay, well how about I tell you what I know and you fill in the details okay? Okay…so you met ten years ago when you Lauren were doing your residency at UCLA Med and Bo was starting up her firm in Los Angeles.  You’ve been married for eight years and you have multiple houses in California as well as New York where you both have offices as well.  Three years ago Dennis Enterprise started contributing to the research fund that you are chair of and since then Dr. Lewis you’ve received almost two billion dollars in grant money is that all correct so far?”

Lauren bit her tongue as she nodded and Bo just sighed as she leaned back and glared at Kate who smiled and nodded.  “By those looks I’m going to assume yes.  Okay, so in the past year things have been rocky and Dr. Lewis you are alleging an affair between Ms. Dennis and Ms. Marquise is that correct?  As such you are citing this as the reason for your divorce?”

Lauren growled as she kept her eyes trained on Kate.  “I’m not alleging anything.  She’s been fucking that lawyer for almost a year and even after multiple chances to fix things she hasn’t stopped so she can have her whore and whatever else she wants.  All I want is a clean split from everything including her goddamn enterprise she’s built.”

Before Kate could respond Bo sat up.  “Well it’s that goddamn enterprise that’s paid for almost three quarters of your research _Doctor_.  You want to get rid of me I’d say you owe me a thing or two.”  The tone of voice was calm to the average passerby but Lauren heard the taunt in her words and it lit a fuse inside her.  After ten years she knew everything about this woman so even the way Bo breathed or licked her lips slightly told Lauren all she needed to know.

Lauren scowled as she turned to glare at Bo and the second she did the brunette regretted her decision to lash out at her wife.  “I _owe you_ something Bo?  Seriously?  After you were going behind my back all those months with that overpriced slut?  I don’t owe you a fucking thing Bo Dennis and you know it.  If it weren’t for my foundation you know exactly where you and the precious enterprise would be.  So pardon me if I don’t want to continue giving you a place to hide your money so you can keep up the lifestyle that _Evony_ demands.”

Bo was going to open her mouth to respond when Kate stood up and put her hands up.  “Oookay, ladies ladies.  HEY! Stop talking.  Both of you.  Apparently this was a bad idea and the last time I trust my gut during this mediation.  Now sit here quietly, I’m going to call the attorney’s back and we can continue on like civilized adults okay?”

Both Bo and Lauren didn’t say anything as they continued to glare at each other silently.  Kate rolled her eyes slightly as she stood up and walked towards the conference room exit.  She pulled her phone out of her pocket as she pushed the door open and waited impatiently.

“Kate Reed’s office.”

“Leo? It’s Kate.”

The young assistant leaned back on his desk as he flipped through the file in his hand and nodded even though she couldn’t see him.  “What can I do for you Kate?  Coffee?  Have your next appointment wait in the conference room?  Ohh wait I can’t do any of that since you AREN’T HERE.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “Leo…”

He sighed and laughed.  “It’s fine you can make it up to me later.  Seriously what’s up?”

Kate sighed as she was pointed down the hall towards Evony’s office.  “I need a full bio on a Dr. Lauren Lewis and her wife Bo Dennis.”

Leo looked confused and chuckled.  “Imagine that.  All this time in San Francisco and you have to leave to get your first gay case.  Liberal LA crowd, so typical.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “Leo, if you keep this up I’ll make sure you never leave that office.  Ever.  Not even for doughnuts.”

Leo looked alarmed and put a finger up as if Kate were standing in front of him.  “Do not joke about doughnuts.”

Kate laughed.  “The bio’s Leo.  Call me back when you have them.”

She hung up and knocked on Evony’s door before opening it and walking into the large corner office.  Tamsin was standing on one side of the room on the phone while Evony sat at her desk looking through some files.  They both looked up and she sighed as she nodded with her head.  “Care to come back and keep the bloodshed to a minimum?”  
Evony smirked as she stood up and walked out of the office.  “What’s the matter counselor?  Can’t handle it?”

Tamsin didn’t say anything as she followed with a smile and Kate did everything in her power to bite her tongue as followed them back to the conference room.  Luckily it was still quiet in the room and she could tell neither party had moved while she was gone.  Tamsin and Evony resumed their places next to their clients and Kate took her seat at the head of the table once again.  “Okay, now that I’ve had quite the interesting talk with both parties I’d like to make a few suggestions.  We have one week to close this mediation otherwise Judge Thompson will make his decision and I can’t guarantee how he will chose to resolve this.  So, in effort to get through this I’d like to propose we meet again tomorrow after everyone has had time to calm down.  Agreed?”

Lauren nodded and Bo followed suit as Tamsin and Evony both nodded knowing this wasn’t going to go any easier if they kept delaying the inevitable.  Kate smiled and nodded.  “Good.  Say three o’clock again?  Here?  And in the meantime, I’d like to meet with Lauren and Bo separately to get their side of this…situation.”

Evony nodded and pulled out her phone.  “Fine, what time?”

Kate smiled.  “I’d like to meet with them without counsel if that’s okay with everyone?”

Evony looked up in protest but Bo just sighed.  “Fine, whatever will make this go by faster.”

Evony looked over at her with concern but didn’t argue with her as she just nodded.  “Fine, so long as Tamsin lets the good Doctor off her leash as well.”

Tamsin rolled her eyes before looking over at Lauren with a neutral look.  “You ok with that Lauren?”

Lauren nodded and Tamsin nodded as she sighed. “That’s fine.  What time would you like to meet with my client?”

Kate gritted her teeth slightly at the formality of the blonde counselor and pulled out her phone.  “How about breakfast?  8:00am?”

Lauren nodded and Kate smiled.  “Okay and Bo I’ll meet with you for lunch?”

Bo nodded.  “Fine, just email my assistant with the time and place and I’ll be there.”

Lauren snorted but didn’t say anything and Bo glared at her menacingly.  “Problem?”

Lauren shrugged as she looked at her calmly.  “No problem.  But Kate, if she’s running late or doesn’t show up at all I’d call Evony as I’m sure she knows where her _client_ is at all times.”

Bo licked her lips in annoyance as she huffed and glared at Lauren before standing up.  “Like I said, I’ll be there and I always keep my word.”  The last part was directed at Lauren and Bo didn’t say another word as she turned and exited the room.  Evony rolled her eyes at the dramatics and gathered up her papers loudly.  “Well this has been fun Kate.  Hope you enjoy your stay in Los Angeles.”

Kate gave her a neutral smile as Evony exited the room leaving Tamsin and Lauren alone with the mediator.  Lauren gave her a weak smile and shook her head as she stood up and grabbed her own designer bag.  “Thank you for coming Kate, I’ll meet you at your hotel for breakfast.  Where are you staying?”  
Kate smiled tiredly.  “The Beverly Hills Hotel.  Typical I know but my assistant booked it and he’s obsessed with the trendy things in life.”  
Lauren smiled and nodded.  “They do a great omelet.  See you tomorrow Kate.  Tamsin…”

The tall attorney stood up and nodded to Kate as she followed Lauren out of the room.  Kate leaned back in the overprice chair and laughed to herself at the ridiculousness of this case.  On one side it appeared the blonde was jaded and angry from being cheated on and on the other sat her wife, the adulteress with her mistress by her side as they hashed out one detail that would end their marriage.  She wondered what the real story there was and she secretly couldn’t wait to find out.

RING RING

“Leo?  What did you find out?”

Leo cracked his knuckles as he leaned back in his chair and smiled.  “I hope you’re sitting down Kate.  The two names you gave me, well for starters they are worth tens of billions of dollars collectively.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “That’s it?  That’s all you came up with?”

Leo laughed.  “Hold on I said that’s just for starters.  So Bo Dennis, head of Dennis Enterprise controls about a quarter of all international trade in all major commodities worldwide.  And her wife, or ex-wife Dr. Lewis?  Yeah she’s about one discovery away from a Nobel.  You are playing mediator to the top one percent of the top one percent Kate.  Tread lightly.”

Kate nodded as she bit her lip.  “Okay, I kind of figured these were heavy hitters.  What else?”

Leo skimmed his notes.  “Well it appears Ms. Dennis was an overnight billionaire.  She seemingly appeared out of thin air one day and brought with her loads and loads of old money.”

Kate looked thoughtful.  “Okay, that might be something.  What about the Doctor?”

Leo looked at his notes.  “No, she’s born and bred upper crust white class.”

Kate laughed.  “What did you just say?”

Leo sighed.  “Her parents were doctors, their parents were doctors…she’s damn near bred for it.  If she was a racehorse she’d be known for her pedigree.  Kate, this doctor is no joke.  She’s got connections all the way to Washington.”

Kate nodded.  “Okay thanks Leo.  Anything else?”

Leo sighed.  “One more thing…her lawyer, the blonde with legs for days?  Be careful with her.  She’s tied to some Swedish crime family or something.  Not a whole lot about her before she was in law school so that sets off my spider sense.”

Kate nodded.  “Okay I’ll call you later once I find out more.”

She hung up and tapped her phone on her chin thoughtfully.  She could already tell there was way more to this story than meets the eye and now she was going to figure out what that something was.  From just spending three minutes alone with the two she could see the wounds were still raw and that’s why they were so snappy with each other.  She hoped she could appeal to their emotional side and understand what was driving Lauren’s resistance to keeping the Dennis Enterprise name with her research as well as why Bo was pushing it so hard.  It wouldn’t be easy but Kate Reed never came across a case she couldn’t handle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_ September circa 2006 _

_“Babe?  You home?”_

_Lauren walked through the door of the small house in Westwood and smiled as she took in the warm homey atmosphere.  She had to admit she had her doubts when they’d decided to rent the house but once they got their things moved in Bo had done a fantastic job making it feel like a real home.  It had been a few months since the pair moved in together and with her residency ending she was hopeful things would settle down.  She’d been offered a position at the UCLA Medical Center and was excited to join the research hospital as a full time staff member._

_“In here!”_

_Lauren laughed softly as she entered the kitchen to find Bo covered in flour and the countertops an absolute mess.  “Uhh…what happened here?”_

_Bo gave her a cheeky smile as she walked over and put her arms around the young doctor effectively ruining her clothes.  “I was going to surprise you with a midnight snack.”  She placed a soft kiss on Lauren’s lips and the blonde sighed happily as she melted into the embrace slightly.  Her schedule had been off the charts crazy lately and she felt bad that she’d been more of a roommate than live in girlfriend lately.  She squeezed Bo’s waist a little as she looked past her with amusement._

_“And what exactly were you making?”_

_Bo bit her lip as she gave her an embarrassed smile.  “Brownies.  Kenz gave me a foolproof recipe.  She must have forgotten about my significant lack of culinary prowess.”_

_Lauren laughed and shook her head as Bo gave her a sheepish smile and kissed her nose playfully.  “When you become a rich and famous doctor and I get my business going we’re so hiring someone to do this.”  
_

_It was moments like this that she appreciated the most cause it meant Bo was thinking about their future together and as reward Lauren nodded and leaned in for a soft kiss.  “When that happens we’ll have a whole staff of people do this.  And save me some grief in having to help you clean it up.”_

_Bo laughed and nodded as she looked at Lauren happily.  Sure, she’d only met the woman a few years ago but as far as she was concerned this was it for her.  She was going to marry Lauren and sometime soon as soon as she was comfortable financially.  She was so certain of this that Bo had actually purchased a ring in anticipation of the day she could put it on Lauren’s finger and show the world that the doctor was hers.  She had just gotten word of some inheritance that was coming her way and she wanted to find out what that was about before she made and decisions about her future with the doctor.  She wanted to be sure she would be able to provide for the blonde as much as the Lauren could provide for her and she wanted to be able to give the blonde whatever she desired, whenever she desired.  Money wasn’t an end all for Bo but she knew if things kept going the way they were that Lauren would be the breadwinner and she wanted to contribute as much as possible to this._

_However tonight was not the night for any serious thoughts so she just shook her head and laughed as she pulled Lauren towards the back of the house.  “Well, I’m pretty sure there’s something more important that needs cleaning…we’ll get to the kitchen tomorrow.”_

_Lauren grinned and followed the laughing brunette to the bedroom.  Who cared that it was almost one in the morning and she was drop dead exhausted after having finished her 20 hour shift.  She was home with the woman she loved and she was going to do everything in her power to keep her happy as long as possible_.

ooOOoo

Present Day

“Good morning Kate.”

Lauren gave the mediator a strained smile as she took a seat across from the woman in the hotel’s five star restaurant.  Lauren was familiar with the downtown area so she had arrived a few minutes early and given herself time to compose her thoughts as she wasn’t quite sure what the lawyer would ask her. 

Kate gave her a genuine smile in return and glanced at her phone with a nod.  “Right on time, thanks for meeting with me Doctor.”

Lauren relaxed slightly.  “You can call me Lauren, Doctor is too formal for all this right?”

Kate nodded somewhat awkwardly.  “Right.  So I ordered coffee but wasn’t sure what else you’d like.”

Lauren absentmindedly flipped through the menu but pushed it aside after a few minutes since she really didn’t need to look at it. She knew the menu like the back of her hand as she and Bo had spent many weekend getaways at this particular hotel.  She looked up at Kate evenly.  “How about we talk about whatever it was you wanted to ask?”  
Kate cleared her throat and nodded.  “To the point.  Got it.  Okay, so why don’t you start at the beginning.  Tell me how you and Bo met.”

Lauren sighed as she leaned back in her chair.  She really didn’t want to take a trip down memory lane but she had some inclination as to why Kate wanted the full story.  After thinking quietly for a few minutes she smiled sadly.  “We met ten years ago through mutual friends.  One of my classmates at Yale was friends with Bo’s best friend.  When I moved to LA my friend dragged me out to have some resemblance of a social life and that’s when we met.”

Kate nodded and gave her a small smile.  “Okay, and you two were married not too long after right?”

Lauren laughed sarcastically.  “A few years, but I guess yes, not too long after.”

Kate nodded and looked at her thoughtfully.  “When you were finished with your residency?”

Lauren nodded sadly.  “Yeah, up until that point we didn’t have time.  I was working long hours and never home.  I’m honestly surprised she stuck around at all.  There would be times when I wouldn’t see her for days at a time and we lived together.  The only resemblance I’d have of her in the house at all were her things and…”

Kate watched Lauren’s eyes cloud over and she knew the blonde was remembering something.  She leaned forward slightly and gave her a gentle smile.  “And what Lauren?”

The blonde cleared her throat.  “And yeah, her things around the house, food in the fridge etc.  Once my residency was finished I accepted a full time position at UCLA Med and I thought that would be the end of the crazy schedules but I was wrong.”

ooOOoo

_ December 2007 _

_“Bo…seriously?”  
_

_The brunette sighed into the phone as she rubbed her head lightly. It was well after midnight and having to make this phone call to her wife on Christmas Eve was not the most fun thing she’d done this year. They’d barely been married for six months and she felt like the entire time they’d officially been spouses all she’d done is let the blonde down.  “Lauren, I’m sorry but I need to be in New York this weekend.”  
_

_Lauren huffed slightly.  “It’s Christmas Bo.  What is so important that it can’t wait a few days?”_

_Bo ground her teeth and tried not to scream into the phone.  The pair had been having quite the time coordinating schedules lately and she knew this latest bomb would hit them hard.  She’d inherited a large sum of money from her grandfather that she didn’t know existed and she’d decided about a year ago to start up a business with that money.  Lauren had been supportive of this decision but it seemed like the last three or four months had been a rough patch for them.  Bo was now the one working the long hours as Lauren’s hectic schedule had calmed slightly and at least she knew what her hours would be a month in advance so she could plan around them.  Granted, the doctor still worked eighteen hour days, but it was with some regularity now so the pair had adjusted to her work schedule and for a short while seemed to be okay with it._

_“Lauren, I’ve told you before I need to meet with the investors.”_

_Lauren hummed in annoyance.  “Bo, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing but all I’m asking is if it needs to be right now?”_

_Bo growled lowly.  “If not when Lauren?  And it’s not like I’m gone all the time, or at all hours of the night.”_

_Lauren bit her tongue as she knew this could erupt into a major fight if she weren’t careful.  This had been a point of contention with the pair lately and Bo had always been vocal about her displeasure of Lauren’s schedule but she thought they had both understood that if she put a few years in now she’d be able to settle down later.  Lauren sighed in defeat and smiled sadly.  “Okay, Bo I don’t want to fight, it’s Christmas.  Please be safe and I’ll see you when you get back okay?”_

_Bo tapped her pen on her desk in annoyance. This was Lauren’s way of trying to end the conversation without them fighting and she noticed more and more over the past few months that this had been happening. She was not liking being the bad guy in this situation since she’d been so patient when Lauren was doing her residency and even after when Lauren had promised her schedule would calm down.  “I’m sorry Lauren, really.  If I could change it I would.”_

_Lauren nodded even though the brunette couldn’t see her. It was unfair to put Bo in this situation as she’d done this to her on more than one occasion and couldn’t even remember if they’d ever spent a New Year’s Eve together due to her always having to be at the hospital.  It was just sad that now that she had the time to spend with her Bo’s schedule was the one throwing a wrench in things. “I know love.  Okay, call me tomorrow?”_

_Bo sighed.  It was a good sign that Lauren called her love, something she had been doing less and less of lately.  She felt a tight smile grace her lips knowing that her wife was trying to salvage this almost fight.  “Of course honey.  Goodnight.”  
_

_Lauren said goodnight and hung up the phone in defeat.  She looked around their home and sighed at how lonely she felt almost instantaneously. As a surprise for Bo she’d actually left her shift early and came home to put up some cheap Christmas decorations she’d bought at the little party store on the way home.  It wasn’t much, they didn’t even have a tree, but she was trying to form some sort of normalcy for them and give them time to spend their first Christmas as a married couple together, if only for a few hours.  She angrily drank the rest of the wine in her glass and mentally berated herself for being so stupid. It wasn’t uncommon for one or both of them to be home alone but for some reason Lauren felt like this weekend was a sign of things to come and if she didn’t do something about it they would be this way for a long, long time._

ooOOoo

Present Day

Kate nodded as Lauren took a sip of her coffee, grateful for a break in the conversation.  Their food had arrived and for a couple of minutes the pair ate in silence before Kate cleared her throat.  “So Lauren, once you formed the Lewis Foundation what happened?”

Lauren chewed on a piece of toast thoughtfully.  “Honesty I thought it was the solution to all our problems.  Bo’s company was thriving, I’d been able to start the foundation and hire a good staff to run things in my absence.  It was the first time in as long as I can remember that we were able to live a normal life.”

Kate sipped her coffee and motioned with her hand.  “So what happened?”

Lauren sighed as she pushed her plate back slightly.  “It seemed the more normal things got the more they went to shit.  It was like us having so much time together was detrimental to our relationship.”

Kate looked confused.  “How’s that?”

Lauren shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she sighed.  “Bo wanted a family.”

Kate nodded.  “That’s understandable.  Did you not want a family?”

Lauren folded her arms in defense as she stared at Kate with a look of both anger and sadness.  “I did want a family, but we weren’t ready.”

Kate sat back and rested her chin on one hand thoughtfully.  “Did Bo realize that?”

Lauren sighed and shook her head as she spoke in annoyance.  “How exactly is this contributing to the mediation?”

Kate gave her an even stare.  “Lauren, I’m just trying to understand why you don’t want to be associated with her company.  It seems from the look of things the personal side died a while ago, but I don’t see the professional correlation.”

Lauren looked up at her angrily.  “The personal side died when she started screwing around on me.  Before that things were fine.  And I don’t appreciate being made to be the one at fault here Kate.  Sure, I wasn’t easy to be with, my schedule didn’t allow for a normal relationship but at the end of the day what Bo and I had was real.  And let’s not forget, I wasn’t the one who was unfaithful.  It was her infidelity that broke us, not my long work hours or lack of desire to have a child for so long.  It’s not that I didn’t want to be with her as much as possible or that I didn’t envision a family for us one day Kate.  Why else do you think I was working as hard as I was to move ahead?  I needed to know I could provide for our family same as she could.  If we were going to work we needed to be on level footing and build our family together.”

Kate took a calming breath as she looked at Lauren thoughtfully.  She could see how fragile this woman was even though her demeanor said otherwise.  She could tell that Lauren was broken and trying to salvage whatever was left of the shell of herself that she once knew but the thing Kate couldn’t understand was why.  “Lauren, to be blunt here, everything you’ve told me so far only points to the downfall of what was once maybe a great relationship.  It sounds like you realize your work schedule was a problem early on and then your decision to not have children when Bo wanted to only further damaged the relationship.”

Lauren growled softly.  “Our relationship is great.  You’re making assumptions about us that are unfounded.”

Kate nodded and gave her a small smile.  “Okay then why don’t you tell me.”

Lauren opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it as she glared at Kate.  “Why rehash old matters?  Point is I don’t want anything more to do with her once this is all over.”

Kate sighed and nodded.  “Lauren, I know it doesn’t seem important to you, but I need to understand everything in order to help you guys okay?”

Lauren contemplated that statement and nodded. “Short version, we tried, we failed and now I want out.  What more do you need?”

Kate laughed softly as she saw the stubborn streak surfacing from the doctor.  “How about a legitimate reason for not wanting Dennis Enterprise tied to your foundation?”

Lauren scowled as she played with her cup of coffee.  Having to explain this to the stranger was going to sound weird and even in her head she knew it was ridiculous.  With a big sigh she looked up at Kate sadly.  “Because the first time Bo’s company donated money was to help with fertilization research.”

Kate nodded but didn’t say anything and Lauren looked down as she continued.  “We’d been at odds about having a child and my stance was because even with in vetro fertilization we still wouldn’t be certain of the genetic makeup of the child.  So her solution was to dump a large sum of money into the foundation and have us figure out how to eliminate potential risk.”

Kate looked confused.  “She wanted you to come up with a new way to get pregnant?”

Lauren smiled tightly.  “We’d been developing ways to combine genetics from non-standard sources and she thought I could figure out a way to make a baby out of her and my DNA.”

Kate’s eyebrows went up in surprise.  “Is that possible?”

Lauren laughed and shook her head.  “Theoretically yes, but in the lab it just wasn’t possible.  After a few years she got frustrated with me saying I was sabotaging the research because I didn’t want a child.”

Kate looked at her carefully.  “I hate to ask but…”

Lauren gave her a cold stare.  “I would never let my personal feelings get in the way of my professional ones.  I would never purposefully destroy research.”

Kate nodded.  “Okay, okay I understand.  So is that why you think Bo wants to remain a benefactor?”

Lauren shrugged.  “I’m not sure why she wants to stay tied to the foundation.  Maybe just as a reminder about what we had I’m not sure.  In any case, I don’t want any reminders of her.”

Kate sighed and nodded as the waiter cleared their plates.  She wasn’t sure how to use this piece of information to aid the mediation but she knew it was going to be vital down the road.  As they waited for the check she looked at Lauren and sighed softly.  “Can I ask you a question Lauren?”

The blonde nodded and sipped the remainder of her coffee. “Sure.”

Kate cleared her throat.  “Do you think your failed research has anything to do with Bo’s cheating?”

Lauren stared at her in shock as she tried to process the question.  She’d considered a lot of reasons for Bo being unfaithful and it had crossed her mind that some sort of revenge was the reason but having it voiced was something altogether different.  She stood up abruptly and grabbed her bag in slight annoyance.  “I think Bo’s cheating had to do with her inability to cope with things like an adult.  Instead she ran off and indulged herself when she saw fit.  She didn’t care to deal with the problems we were having at home and because of her impulsivity she won’t need to worry about dealing with that ever again.”

Kate smirked slightly as she looked at Lauren knowingly.  “Not quite the response I was expecting about your great relationship Doctor.”

Lauren turned on her heel and stormed out of the restaurant.  Kate knew she’d hit a nerve and for the first time that morning she finally understood a little bit more about the torrid relationship the doctor and the businesswoman had really shared.

ooOOoo

_ June 2007 _

_Lauren peered one eye open and groaned slightly as she looked up at Bo who was smiling down at her lovingly.  Lauren covered her face in embarrassment and groaned into the pillow.  “What are you doing Bo?  That’s creepy.”_

_Bo laughed and tucked one arm around the soft skin of Lauren’s stomach lightly.  “I’m watching my wife sleep…am I not allowed to do that?  I swear I remember that being in the vows somewhere that I get to watch you sleep.”  
_

_Lauren laughed and buried her face in Bo’s neck lightly.  “I think you were drunk by that point Bo.”  
_

_Bo laughed and stroked Lauren’s back lightly.  “No honey, and even if I was I will remember yesterday for the rest of my life.”  
_

_The pair shared a smile as they looked at each other with the look of new lovers who couldn’t get enough of each other.  They had made their union official yesterday with a small gathering of friends and family and for both women it was the best day of their lives.  Being married was something they both wanted and had discussed early on in their relationship knowing it was something they would eventually have an opportunity to do once their lives settled down a little._

_“So tell me wife…what are we going to do today?”  
_

_Lauren raised an eye at Bo and smirked.  “If you ever call me wife again you will be sleeping alone for a long, long time.”  
_

_Bo laughed and nodded as she kissed Lauren’s forehead lightly.  “I’m sorry my love.  Never again.”  
_

_Lauren smiled and pulled Bo closer to her in effort to meld their bodies together.  “I was thinking we could stay like this for a while…what do you think?”  
_

_Bo smiled and hummed happily as the ridiculous smile wouldn’t seem to work itself off her face.  “Sounds like perfection.”  She hated to admit it but for her this was the end all, be all and she couldn’t be happier.  She never thought she’d find someone like Lauren who loved her unconditionally and she had to check herself every day to make sure this wasn’t some cruel dream where she would wake up and find herself alone and miserable.  Bo knew she would sacrifice her entire being if it meant keeping Lauren Lewis happy and she had no intention of ever letting the woman down or being reason for her to shed a tear.  Ever._

_Lauren sighed as her body buzzed with pure, unadulterated happiness.  The blonde had spent her entire life living as she was supposed to and following the rules she was supposed to follow and it was the first time in her life where she’d done something for herself and kept it completely protected as hers alone.  She would go to any length to make Bo happy and she knew she had to make changes in her professional life in order to do so.  She wasn’t willing to give up her now wife for her success but she was hopeful she could find a balance of the two and be the provider she wanted to for the brunette.  It was the moment of total happiness and safety she had been waiting for her entire life and now that the moment was here she wouldn’t let anything take that away from her.  Ever._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

“Bo.  Thanks for coming.”

The brunette gave Kate a small smile as she walked over to the table in the café that they’d agreed to meet at. Kate had been talking to Leo about finding out more regarding Bo’s company but so far the only things he‘d come across were the standard PR literature that was available on any basic web search.  She knew the secrecy was on purpose and while she didn’t really care about the why she had to admit it made her curious. Everything about Bo made her curious as the woman was so guarded.

“Not a problem.  See you found it okay?”

Kate smiled and sipped on some water.  “Yes, well actually Siri helped.”

The pair shared an awkward smile at her bad joke and Bo just nodded as she took a seat across from the lawyer.  “So what is it I can help you with?  I’m assuming my wife gave you some version of the details, I can do the same or if you have specific questions you’d like answered I can do that as well.”

Kate smiled and shook her head.  Both women were headstrong and direct and she could see why they worked as a couple but also why their forwardness could be a downfall.  She sighed softly as she gave Bo a patient smile.  “Why don’t you start wherever you’d like?”

Bo rolled her eyes slightly.  “Look Ms. Reed, I can appreciate your position in this matter but really I’m not sure what I can tell you that would aid you in gaining any insightful information.  My relationship has been slowly fading and regardless if Lauren admits it or not she is just as responsible as I am for that.  We’ve had our ups and downs and I made one very big mistake but she’s not completely absolved of any responsibility here. It’s just unfortunate that the mistake I made seems to have sealed the fate for us so unless you have some formula for fixing that then I think we’re both wasting each other’s time here.”

Kate absorbed the words with some hesitancy and nodded as she looked at Bo carefully.  “Ms. Dennis, Bo, I just have a few questions that might help me understand why you want to stay connected to the Lewis Foundation if that’s okay?”

Bo sighed.  “Sure.  What are they?”

Kate peered at her slightly.  “Tell me about your life with Dr. Lewis before the affair.”

Bo looked confused.  “What?”

Kate just nodded.  “Humor me.”

Bo sighed as she sat back in her seat and looked thoughtful.  It had been quite some time since she’d really sat and thought about how things used to be and she realized as she tried to do so how hard it was to think back and find the exact moment when things turned from heir fun and loving relationship to the mess that it had become.

ooOOoo

_ February 2008 _

_“Lauren?  Honey you home?”_

_Bo entered the large house they’d bought tucked away in the quiet suburb of Brentwood and she sighed as it appeared completely quiet.  This had become more and more of a familiar scene with her coming home to an empty house.  She wasn’t sure if the blonde was doing it on purpose or if it really was just bad timing but she knew she missed coming home to her wife.  She’d heard somewhere that the first year of marriage was the hardest and she had to admit she understood what that meant far too well.  She knew it was Lauren’s day off and she sighed loudly in frustration as she wondered where the blonde had gone to this time.  About six months ago things had gotten extremely busy for her as she stared up her business and after meeting some good contacts she was confident the next eighteen months would prove to be quite beneficial for both of them.  She set her bag down on the kitchen counter and moved over to pour herself a glass of wine as she kicked her shoes off and rubbed the back of her neck lightly._

_“Hey.”  
_

_Bo jumped slightly as Lauren came into the room with a smile.  Bo felt her body relax as she took in the sight of her wife in her robe and her wet hair wrapped in a towel.  Bo moved over and hummed happily as she put her arms loosely around Lauren’s waist letting the blonde kiss her lightly on the lips. “How was work?”_

_Bo shrugged as she ran her hands up and down Lauren’s back.  “It was work.  What did you do today?”_

_Lauren laughed and brought her hands up to play with the collar of Bo’s very expensive dress shirt.  “A whole lot of nothing.  Oh but I did speak with my mother and we have to go to my cousins baby shower this weekend.  If you’re free?”  
_

_Bo ignored the slight jab at her busy work life of late and nodded as she let her nose rub the soft skin of Lauren’s neck.  “Sure, just let me know when and I’ll make sure I’m home.  Which cousin?”  
_

_Lauren laughed playfully as Bo’s actions tickled her neck and she sighed happily.  “Jennifer.  She’s having her second.”  
_

_Bo nodded and nipped at the skin lightly.  “Good for her.  Do we need to buy a present?”  
_

_Lauren moaned lightly and moved her head slightly to give Bo more access to her neck.  “I’ll pick something up tomorrow on my way home from work.”  
_

_Bo just grunted in confirmation as she pressed her luck slightly and made her actions slightly more purposeful.  To her credit Lauren managed to keep her composure as she cupped Bo’s face lightly and brought her gaze up to meet hers.  She placed a chaste kiss on her lips and smiled.  “Thank you.”  
_

_Bo looked confused as she gave Lauren a small smile.  “For what?”_

_Lauren kind of motioned with her hand into the air.  “I know these family things aren’t your favorite let alone a bunch of women sitting around talking about children.”_

_Bo laughed as she brushed some hair away from Lauren’s face.  “Well I suppose I should get used to it right?”  
_

_Lauren looked at Bo carefully as she squared her shoulders and furrowed her eyebrows knowing where Bo was going with this conversation.  “What do you mean?”_

_Bo ignored the nagging in the pit of her stomach and shrugged.  “I mean kids Lauren…it’s an idea I need to get used to right?”  
_

_Lauren sighed and Bo frowned as she felt the blonde tense slightly in her arms.  “We talked about this Bo.”  
_

_Bo looked at her carefully and nodded.  “Yeah we did Lauren and we agreed in a few years we’d consider it.  So relax I’m not saying we need to do this today.”  
_

_Lauren huffed and pushed Bo away slightly as she turned to walk out of the room.  Bo watched her walk away silently and she shook her head as she dropped her hands to her side in annoyance.  “What Lauren?  What is wrong now?”  
_

_Lauren didn’t say anything at first but then paused as she exited the room.  “Nothing is wrong Bo.  I need to get ready.”  
_

_Bo looked exasperated.  “We’re having a conversation Lauren.”  
_

_Lauren gave her an even stare.  “We’ve had this conversation Bo.  Many many times before.  I don’t want to fight with you about this so like I said I need to get ready.  I’m going to meet Tamsin for drinks.”  
_

_Bo gritted her teeth in annoyance as she turned and sighed.  “Fine, have a good time.”  
_

_Lauren didn’t say anything as she looked at Bo sadly and walked out of the room quietly.  Bo wasn’t sure why Lauren got so weird whenever the topic of children came up but sooner or later she would get to the bottom of this._

ooOOoo

Present Day

“Bo?”

Kate looked concerned as the brunette across from her seemed to be at a loss for words.  Bo looked startled as she looked at Kate and just shook her head as she cleared her throat.  “Before the affair things were fine.  They were strained from time to time but nothing that wouldn’t be expected during a normal long term relationship I don’t think.”

Kate nodded. “Okay, so then I have to ask, why cheat?”

Bo sighed as she sat back and sipped the wine that she’d ordered.  That question had been haunting her since it had happened and to this day she didn’t have a simple answer.  Sure, she could say that it was due to being tired of Lauren always taking things out on her whenever she had a shit day or her research was not going well, or she could say it was payback for Lauren not wanting to have a child with her. For a long time that was a point of contention with them and Bo knew at some point she’d given up on that dream and it killed her. Worse yet she could say that she’d become complacent with her relationship and was just looking for something different to mix things up a little.  She needed to feel something that she hadn’t felt in a while, even if it wasn’t with the woman she’d promised to love unconditionally all those years ago.  All those excuses in her head sounded stupid and she knew if she ever said them out loud it wouldn’t capture the truth in its entirety.  She knew she’d failed Lauren when she’d made the decision to give in to Evony and she knew from the first time it happened that it would destroy the one thing she cherished most in her life.  

Bo shrugged.  “I don’t have a reason.”

Kate gave her a slightly condescending smile.  “Bo, let’s cut the shit here.  You’re a smart woman, you know that what happened jeopardized your ten year relationship with the woman who you claim is the love of your life.  I don’t think you make a decision like that without some motivation.”

Bo snarled in response.  “She is the love of my life and it’s quite forward of you to make an assumption that I disregarded that fact knowingly.”

Kate looked at her thoughtfully.  “Then why did you do it?”

Bo sighed and bit the inside of her cheek slightly to keep her composure.  She looked thoughtful for a second and Kate saw a distinctive flash of sadness cross her features.  She was going to ask what the look was for but Bo’s calm and low voice finally broke the silence.  “Let me ask you Ms. Reed, have you ever had a moment of knowing you’ve achieved everything you wanted in life but not knowing where you stand with the way things worked out?  Let me be clear here, I am very happy with my life and my wife, but have you ever felt like something was…”

Kate waited as Bo trailed off quietly and looked at her with a gentle smile.  “Missing?”

Bo’s head snapped up and she looked at her with confusion.  “No, not missing.  More like, unsettled?”

Kate thought about Bo’s statement and she nodded slowly.  Her own personal life wasn’t the most textbook in theory so she could understand where Bo was coming from.  She gave her a small smile as she took a sip of her own wine.  “Do you think the unsettled feeling was resolved by what you did?”

Bo looked down and tried to get her thoughts in order quickly.  No one had had such a truthful conversation with her since the affair with Evony had been discovered, not even Kenzi who basically had berated her on the spot before offering the comfort only a best friend could offer.  She knew most of the people in her life were a bit intimidated by her so she was quite taken aback by the way this complete stranger was point blank asking her the questions she’d been too afraid to ask herself.  “I’m not sure.”

Kate nodded again.  “Okay, so is this uncertainty the reason you don’t want to cut ties with the foundation Bo?”

Bo shook her head.  “No, that’s purely professional.  Did she tell you the reason I’d dumped money into the foundation?”

Kate sighed and nodded.  “She did.”

Bo chuckled sarcastically.  “Well whatever version she told you was probably only half true.  Yes, I had the company provide money for genetics and fertilization research.  I wanted a child that was ours and Lauren said it was possible, or at least theoretically possible with some research.  At first I know she didn’t want to pursue it but eventually she did.  To this day I think she’s still working on it and if she’s successful I want to know about it.”

Kate looked confused.  “You can still know about it Bo without being a benefactor.”

Bo shrugged.  “That work that she’s doing is both of our lives work.  I wanted this to be successful as much if not more than she did.  I supported her in everything she did and gave her every opportunity she needed to try and make it work along with the other research she was doing.  I believe in her Ms. Reed, Kate, I really do.  What she’s doing will move science forward by centuries and I want to be a part of that.  It’s exciting and interesting but more importantly…it’s her dream.”

Kate smiled sadly as she could see the exterior crumble slightly around Bo’s stoic presence.  Kate Reed may not know a lot of things and she may live a romanticized life in some instances but she knew love when she saw it.  Even after everything these two had been through she was sitting across from a woman who still wanted everything for the woman that she loved, even if her actions over the past few months said something different.  Kate leaned forward slightly and looked at Bo sadly.  “You need to tell her this Bo.  The one thing I’ve learned from both of you is that you are horrible communicators when it comes to how you feel.”

Bo scoffed and shook her head.  “With all due respect Kate, I believe the time to fix our relationship has ended.  And I’m not talking about the affair.  I’m talking about years ago when she admitted having children was not something she wanted.  I would have given her whatever she wanted and only asked for one thing in return.  Screw that, I did give her everything she wanted and she wasn’t willing to budge on the one thing she knew I wanted most.  It was selfish and I accepted it at the time because my only option would be to not be with her any longer and I wasn’t willing to give that up.  I chose her over my dream and where did it leave me?  If you think what I did was wrong that’s fine, but I want you to know that despite how it all seems I did not act out of vengeance.  Or boredom.  Or anger.  I gave everything and didn’t ask for anything I didn’t believe she wanted as well in return.  I gave up everything for her, can she say the same thing?”

Bo stood up and wiped her hands on her napkin lightly.  “I’m sorry Ms. Reed but I don’t think there’s anything further to discuss here.”

Kate looked startled at Bo’s sudden departure and she stood up slightly as she tried to think of what to say.  “Bo…”

The brunette looked at her sadly.  “Yes?”

Kate looked slightly helpless as she could see Bo had shut down emotionally and anything she asked would be met with a flippant answer.  “If you could have fixed it, if you could have changed the outcome?”

Bo sighed and gave her a sad smile.  “I would have gone to dinner instead.”

With that she turned and walked out of the restaurant quietly.  She hadn’t been prepared to delve so much into her personal history and the longer she sat there and talked to Kate the more the feelings of guilt and remorse took hold of her emotions and she wasn’t certain she’d be able to keep control of them.  Bo prided herself as being able to be levelheaded and make decisions rationally and right now she felt anything but that.  As she climbed into her Range Rover she shook her head and tried to focus on the meeting she would be going into later that afternoon.  She wasn’t ready to admit to Lauren how hurt she had been over so much of what happened between them and she now felt foolish for even giving Kate the insight that she was so affected by all of this.  Had she looked back she would have seen Kate look at her sadly before sitting down and finishing her glass of wine.  Kate couldn’t figure out why the two of them couldn’t see how much they still loved each other even though all the mess and confusion that had become their relationship.

ooOOoo

_ April 2014 _

_RING RING RING_

_“Hey Laur…”  
_

_The blonde smiled as she put the finishing touches on her makeup.  “Hey babe, just checking that you are still on track to meet me at the restaurant?”  
_

_Bo laughed slightly and looked down at the mess on her desk.  “Yeah I’ll be there hun.  I’m just finishing a few things up but I’ll be out the door soon okay?”  
_

_Lauren smiled and nodded even though Bo couldn’t see her.  “Okay, see you at eight.  Bye love.”  
_

_Bo smiled.  “Bye honey.”  
_

_Lauren hit end on her phone as she sighed happily and checked her reflection in the mirror once again.  It was a big night for them as she was going to give Bo the news of her lifetime.  All the years of plodding through countless research had finally paid off as they’d successfully been able to create an embryo from two female organisms in the lab.  Sure, it was far from human genetics but it meant her hypothesis was right and if the tests she ran today came back positive she’d be able to give Bo what she wanted most in the world.  They were literally on the edge of a scientific revolution and she was excited to be the one to literally carry out the experiment._

_More importantly, and along with the news that she couldn’t wait to tell Bo she was also excited to tell her about the Staff Director she’d just hired.  The addition of this up and coming doctor meant Lauren would only be working part time and would open up her schedule tremendously.  Although she still worked long hours they’d been set for a long time and now she was ready to step back from that a little and make time for their family.  She had needed to get to a point where she was comfortable to do this and she knew Bo was beyond frustrated with waiting for her to be ready.  She had hoped tonight would be the first day of the rest of their life and she couldn’t wait to see the look on Bo’s face when she gave her the wonderful news._

_Across town Bo signed as she sent the last email and shut her laptop down happily seeing that she had a few minutes to spare before she had to meet her wife so she took her time gathering her things and fixing her makeup using the little mirror she kept in her desk.  It had been the end of a long week and she was looking forward to a date with her wife, something they hadn’t done in ages.  As she was walking down the hallway to the elevator she noticed the light in Evony’s office was still on.  Deciding to take a short detour she walked down to the attorney’s office and knocked on the open door lightly._

_“Evony, it’s Friday night.  Go home already.”  
_

_Evony gave her a predatory smile as she not so subtly looked Bo up and down slowly.  “I was just leaving Bo.  Care to walk me down?”  
_

_Bo motioned for her to come along and the pair headed to the elevator where they got into the small car making small talk.  Evony looked at Bo with a knowing smile and she nodded towards Bo slightly.  “You look nice, going somewhere special?”_

_Bo laughed and gave Evony an approving smile.  “Meeting Lauren for dinner.”  
_

_Evony nodded.  “And how is the good doctor?”  
_

_Bo rolled her eyes at Evony’s comment.  The attorney had made it quite clear she didn’t approve of Lauren or the way she sometimes perceivably treated Bo and her complaints were usually met with Bo telling her to back off.  “Lauren is great.  Thank you for asking.”  
_

_Evony looked at her pointedly.  “She make a baby in the lab yet?”  
_

_Bo looked at her with curiosity.  “Come again?”  
_

_Evony sighed and hit the stop button on the elevator cart bringing it to a halt between the third and fourth floor.  She gave Bo a patient look as she smiled at her condescendingly.  “Look Bo, we all know what the research project is you’re funding and I’m just saying if it hasn’t happened by now it isn’t going to happen.”  
_

_Bo looked doubtful.  “You think?”  Normally she wouldn’t have given Evony’s words a second thought but for some reason the way she bluntly put it got through to her.  Bo looked at Evony curiously.  “You really think she’d do that?”_

_Evony laughed and shrugged.  “Bo, I’m not even going to dignify that with a response however as your legal counsel I will say that Dennis Enterprise has invested quite a sum of money into her research with no progress.”_

_Bo frowned as she thought about this.  It was a thought that had been plaguing her somewhat over the past year or so but she never gave it much weight as she knew Lauren would never do that to her.  Or at least she was pretty certain Lauren would never do that to her.  Something about respect for science or something like that.  But given the way Lauren had made her feelings about kids clear she wasn’t sure what to think these days._

_“Bo, don’t bother with what I’m saying.  Go have a good time.”  
_

_Bo looked at her in curiosity and slight defiance.  “What is your personal opinion Evony?  Really?”  
_

_Evony sighed and looked at Bo carefully.  She knew what the brunette was asking but she also knew as much as she desired the woman she needed to tread lightly.  Her involvement in all this would be complicated so she wanted to remain as neutral as possible even though she wanted an opportunity if only for one night.  She smiled and looked at Bo calmly.  “Honestly?  I feel like we should get a drink before you go and meet Lauren, help you unwind before your dinner.”  
_

_Bo laughed and shook her head.  “I’m late already Evony.  Raincheck?”  
_

_Evony nodded and hit the button for the cart to start moving again.  “Raincheck.”  
_

_Bo watched her out of the corner of her eye and she couldn’t believe the easy way Evony handled herself, regardless of whatever it was they were talking about.  It was something that drew the brunette to her and Bo knew she was flirting with danger here a little.  In an impulsive move she smiled and turned to Evony slightly.  “On second thought, a quick drink wouldn’t hurt.”_

_Evony smiled and nodded as she led them out of the building and down the block to the bar they frequented from time to time.  Bo hoped she knew what she was doing as she followed her friend into the bar and tried not to think about her wife who was on her way to meet her for dinner at their favorite restaurant.  Lauren hadn’t said it was anything important tonight so if she were a little late, she was sure the blonde would understand._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kate smiled at the group as she sat at the head of the conference table once again.  After she’d had opportunity to meet with Bo and Lauren individually she’d spent a little while gathering her thoughts for the meeting that afternoon.  So far the only thing she knew for certain was that the couple was at a stalemate with regards to their relationship.  She knew both women had a stubborn streak that was contributing to their unwillingness to deal with the issue of Bo’s infidelity and despite what they both say the main reason is because they are deeply hurt and lost in how to fix things.

“Okay, well, first of all thank you to both parties for indulging me today I think it was helpful in understanding the context of this situation.”

Evony rolled her eyes as she shuffled the papers in front of her.  “Now that you have that out of the way what is your next move Ms. Reed?”

Kate gave her a calm smile.  She had prepared herself for the snarky attitude of the brunette attorney and the opposing intimidating demeanor of the blonde one.  “Well at this point the next move isn’t up to me is it?”

Evony raised her perfectly manicured eyebrow in her typical skeptical fashion.  “Come again?”

Kate sat back in the seat and put her elbows on the armrests comfortably.  She gave Evony a smirk of sorts as she looked at the other three members in the room in turn.  “Mediation is about the two parties coming together to reach an agreed upon outcome, not about an obscure third party coming in and making a decision.  So, sure I can give you my perspective on things, but ultimately the question is what is it going to take to get this resolved?”

Bo chanced a glance at Lauren and was met with a cold stare in return.  She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, perhaps a sign that Lauren was willing to at least talk things through but she foolishly kidded herself in believing this based on the look of pure hatred she’d received from her wife.  Sighing she looked at Kate with slight annoyance.  “Why don’t you tell us?  Since you’re the problem solver here?”

Kate smiled and shook her head lightly.  “Not quite how it works but okay, I will tell you all what I think.”  She paused for a second and looked at Lauren who looked way in annoyance.  Kate knew the bottom line was that these two women were very hurt by the other’s actions and lack of verbal communication and it was driving their resistance to compromising about this detail of their separation.  “I think you two have some unresolved issues that need to be addressed before you can consider the business decision regarding Dennis Enterprise and the Lewis Foundation.  Ultimately I think the outcome of your personal situation will resolve the professional one.”

Lauren rolled her eyes slightly. “That’s not very insightful.”

Kate laughed slightly.  “That’s the point to all this Lauren.  You and Bo need to actually communicate or the lack of it will destroy you.”

Tamsin snorted.  “I think that makes sense…that is if Evony can stay out of her client’s _briefs_.”

The brunette looked at her counterpart with a smirk.  “I’m sorry Tamsin what was that?”

The taller blonde gave her a sweet smile.  “I’m just pointing out the fact that you’ve been known on more than one occasion to stick her nose, and other things, where it doesn’t belong.”

Lauren glanced curiously at Evony and Tamsin as they quarreled and then looked over to Kate with a serious face.  “I don’t think a lack of communication is what destroyed us.  I think it was Bo and Evony fucking behind my back that did.”

Bo sat up quickly.  “Nice Lauren…that took all of what two minutes?”

Lauren snorted and spoke in a dry tone.  “I’m not sure how long it took but I’d be willing to bet that might be about right.”

Bo laughed sarcastically.  “Gee Doctor I’m surprised you kept track of things like that but then again I shouldn’t be.  Everything is an experiment to you right?  A planned process that has expected outcomes?”

Lauren shot Bo a look of disbelief as she shook her head with a smirk on her face.  “That never seemed to be a problem for you before but perhaps we should ask Evony if it affected your performance in bed.”

The room went silent as Evony and Tamsin stared at their clients in disbelief.  This was the first time the pair had actually addressed the affair in the presence of others.  Sure, when Lauren found out about it she had been beyond livid and she and Bo had their share of screaming matches about it but up until this point they’d remained tight lipped about it in the presence of even their closest friends. 

Tamsin cleared her throat and sat up slightly.  “Seeing as how neither party is willing to discuss this matter at this time is there anything else we can consider to resolving the terms of this separation?”

Kate shrugged.   “My honest opinion?  Your two clients need to talk this through in order to deal with the separation.  The longer you let this sit unresolved the worse it is for all.”  
Lauren growled slightly as she glared at both brunettes across the table.  “Perhaps we’d be able to have a civil discussion if her whore wasn’t here.”

Bo sighed and rolled her eyes.  “She’s the company attorney Lauren you know why she’s here.”

Lauren looked at Bo evenly as she spoke.  “If this was strictly a company matter yes I would agree.  Shame that you can’t separate business with pleasure where she’s concerned.”

Not wanting to let the blonde take cheap shots at her any longer Evony smirked as she looked at Lauren with what appeared to almost be pity before looking at Tamsin with annoyance.  “Keep your client in line Tamsin otherwise I’m sure I’d have a case for slander here.”

Tamsin snorted.  “Of what?  Your precious reputation?  Give me a break Evony, and besides, it’s not like anything she’s said isn’t true right?”

Evony was about to respond but Bo cut her off.  “Enough.  What do you want Lauren?  Really?”

Lauren looked at Bo curiously before glancing at Tamsin for confirmation.  This was the first time Bo had actually addressed her like this and she wasn’t sure if it was a trick or not.  She’d taken the stance of offense is the best defense never giving Bo an opportunity to explain or whatever and she wasn’t ready to start having these kinds of conversations with her just yet let alone in the presence of others. 

Tamsin shrugged and nodded for Lauren to go ahead and the blonde Doctor looked more at the table than at Bo as she spoke.  “I just want you out of my life.  In every way.”

Bo frowned and glanced at Evony briefly before looking at Lauren sadly and responding.  “That’s not possible Lauren.  We’ve built too much together.  Whether you like it or not I’ll be in your life.”

Lauren frowned as she glared at Bo angrily.  “Yeah and you tore it all down when you decided _that_ was more important than us.”  Her glare at Evony was pointed and everyone rolled their eyes a little at the verbal sparring that was taking place.

Bo frowned.  “Our personal life isn’t what we’re talking about Lauren but I forgot you make everything about that right?  Relax, I’m talking professionally and about the foundation.”

Lauren snorted sarcastically.  “Oh yes…because you built your empire up through blood, sweat and tears right?  Let’s ignore the inheritance you got just a few years ago.  Who was that from again?”

Bo growled as she glared at Lauren.  “Well I didn’t have the privilege of growing up in the life of luxury Lauren.  In case you’ve forgotten I didn’t have go to the high priced private schools and spend my summer at space camp.  My family has nothing to do with this and you know it so leave it the fuck out.”

Lauren sneered.  “I would but you blurred those lines when you decided to use blood money to invest in the foundation.  But then again you’re good at blurring the lines when it comes to your business dealings aren’t you?”

Tamsin glanced nervously at Lauren as she heard the dig at Bo’s family ties.  She wasn’t sure how public that knowledge of the young brunette was and if anyone started looking into Bo’s history they would most likely come across her own family’s ties to the racketeering and corruption in Sweden.  Being a known associate of a member of the Irish mob family wasn’t exactly favorable for her and she needed to make sure her secret was kept. 

A slight brush of her foot against Lauren’s shin told the Doctor all she needed to know and Lauren shot her a sideward glance before sighing and   sitting back in her chair.  “Fine, fine.  Do what you like, I just want to sign the papers and be done with this.”

Evony raised her eyebrows.  “So you are withdrawing the request to have Dennis Enterprise stop contributions to the Lewis Foundation?”

Lauren nodded almost too quickly.  Both Tamsin and Evony found it odd that Lauren suddenly wanted to rush this to an end and Tamsin looked at Lauren with concern.  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

The blonde doctor nodded and looked at Tamsin almost pleadingly.  “Whatever gets the papers signed.”

Evony looked smug as she nodded and pulled out the divorce papers that she’d drafted that week.  “Well I’d say it’s the right decision Doctor.  After all, wouldn’t want the cash flow to stop now would we?”

Lauren barely heard her as she looked at her with confusion.  “What?”

Evony sneered slightly.  “Dennis Enterprise is the primary contributor to the Lewis Foundation.  Over the years you’ve acquired quite a bit of money for your ‘research’ which I have to say, I’m a bit skeptical to call a good investment at this point.”

Lauren looked at her coldly.  “What does that mean?”

Evony smiled sweetly.  “It means that after two years and billions of dollars you have nothing to show for it doctor.  So I have to admit I’m slightly curious, what exactly were you doing with all that money anyway?”

Lauren ground her teeth as she fumed in her seat.  “Because someone like you wouldn’t understand I’m going to ignore that statement.  If you have a problem with my research you are free to ask but do not ever, _ever_ , doubt my integrity or ability.”

Bo sat up as she glared at Lauren in annoyance.  From time to time they’d joked about her not understanding a lot of Lauren’s ‘science stuff’ and up til now it had always been a point of laughter between them but here, now, it was just an annoying thing Lauren was doing to piss her off.  “Get off your pedestal Lauren not everyone is as science geeky as you are.”

Lauren smirked.  “Gee Bo I would have thought you’d have learned a thing or two over the years but I guess I was wrong about you completely.”

Evony smirked as she slid the papers over to Tamsin to review.  “My my, have I hit a nerve Doctor?”

Kate watched Evony goad Lauren and she wanted to step in and cut it off but she had a feeling this discussion needed to happen.  Like she’d observed before Lauren and Bo had a lot they hadn’t said in the presence of the other so now was as good a time as any to get it out if needed. 

Lauren huffed in annoyance.  “It’s fine Evony.  Let’s just get the papers signed.”  It was clear she was done talking about this and she was ready to just put this behind her and move on.

Bo looked at Lauren in frustration.  “If you were going to give in then why put us through all this?”

Lauren rolled her eyes.  “You wouldn’t understand Bo.  And in truth I should be asking you the same thing right?”

The brunette raised an eyebrow.  “What exactly wouldn’t I understand Lauren?  I think I’ve been pretty damn understanding for our whole fucking marriage.”

Lauren looked at her in disbelief and laughed sarcastically.  “That’s funny Bo because as understanding you may have been you seemed to forget the one basic function of what our marriage is based on.”

Bo rolled her eyes.  “Well I think I handled the part about for better or worse pretty damn well.”

Lauren gave her a disbelieving smile.  “Really…you think so?”

Bo nodded.  “I do.  I gave you ten years of nothing but patience and supported your dream.  And in return I had a shell of a marriage that crumbled the minute things got tough.”

Lauren could feel her eyes starting to burn but she refused to let the tears form.  “I think our marriage crumbled when you decided your career was more important than we were.”

Bo laughed in frustration.  “Sure because I don’t know what that feels like right Lauren?  Or did you forget how the first three years of our relationship went?  And then after everything all I asked was for us to have a family, something you couldn’t even consider because it would get in the way of your precious career.”

Lauren shook her head sadly as she looked at Bo with frustration.  “If you think that’s the reason why I wasn’t ready then you don’t know a thing about me Bo.  And that’s sad.”

Bo sighed.  “Then why Lauren?  Tell me why.  Because I’ve been asking for years with nothing from you.”

Lauren looked away and shook her head.  “Give me the papers Tamsin.”  She reached over and took the papers from Tamsin without letting her friend finish her review of the forms.  Tamsin started to object but stopped as Lauren paused with her pen poised over the forms.  She glanced down at them and then looked at Bo with a cold stare.  “Tell me.”

Bo looked confused.  “What?”

Lauren didn’t even flinch as her stare bore into Bo’s skull.  “Tell me you agree with Evony in that my research was all for nothing.  Tell me you believe I was sabotaging the research because I didn’t want to have a family with you.”

Bo opened her mouth but wasn’t sure what to say.  She still wasn’t sure how she felt about anything these days.  She still hadn’t fully convinced herself if she believed that Lauren hadn’t sabotaged the research but deep down she knew that was ridiculous and that Lauren had been completely truthful with her where that was concerned.  What she couldn’t account for though was what Evony was alluding to…what had all that money been spent on?  It wasn’t the money per se that Bo was concerned about because in truth she would have given Lauren every penny she had, but the point was she was sure she understood exactly what the Lewis Foundation was doing with the funds and that left an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

Unfortunately for her though, Lauren took Bo’s hesitation as confirmation and she shook her head as she dropped her gaze and signed the document.  When finished she pushed it across the table towards Evony with a final glance in Bo’s direction.  “It worked Bo.  I was going to tell you that night.”

With that she stood up and gathered her things as Tamsin stood to follow suit.  “I was going to tell you that everything we’d been waiting for was finally coming together and we could have that life that we _both_ wanted.  But you never showed up that night.  You disappeared on the one night I thought would be the second best day of our life.  And because of that, there is nothing you can say that will make me forgive you.  Nothing.”

Lauren walked out of the room quickly with Tamisn following suit leaving a stunned Bo to watch her walk away after dropping that bomb on her.  Anger built up in her quickly and she jumped up to follow Lauren out of the room but was stopped by Kate’s voice.  “Hold on Bo.  Let her go for now.  As asked she’s signed the document so give her some time to cool off.”

Bo turned to her and let the anger she’d felt build up explode as she walked toward the mediator.  “Did you know about this?  Did she tell you about this?  How could she keep something like this from me?”

Kate looked at her calmly and shook her head slowly.  “She didn’t tell me Bo.  This is news to me as well.  But I think we need to let everyone calm down for a day or so okay?  We can all talk about this again.”

Bo slammed her hand on the table.  “I’m done fucking talking.  Lauren owes me some answers and I’m going to get them from her.  And isn’t there something you can do about this?  Make her legally tell me as the benefactor about her research?  If her research proved successful then it would be possible for us to have a family.”  
Evony sighed as she spoke in a bored voice while glancing over the forms.  “Calm down Bo, there’s nothing you can do at this point unless she willingly shares the information with you.  That means Lauren isn’t breaking any laws so that’s where my expertise ends.  As for what Kate said, she’s right Bo.  Give her a day to calm down and I’ll call Tamsin to arrange a meeting.”

Kate smiled at the agreement and snatched the document out of Evony’s hand with a sheepish smile.  “And why don’t you let me review this?  Just for a second set of eyes?”  
Evony opened her mouth to contest this but Bo’s low, controlled voice beat her to it.  “Give me the papers.”

Kate looked at Bo cautiously and glanced at the documents before sighing and handing them over.  Bo glanced down at Lauren’s hurried signature and shook her head as she shut her eyes letting a single tear fall from them.  She could tell by the erratic nature of the signature that it was totally done on a whim, something very uncharacteristic of the blonde. Although she was a doctor, Lauren’s handwriting had always been neat and legible, very proper, just like everything else she did in her life.  Tucking the papers under her arm she looked back at the pair with an empty stare.  “This isn’t over.”

Without another word Bo walked out of the conference room leaving Evony and Kate to wonder what just happened.  Kate looked on with confusion as Evony shook her head and picked up the pieces of torn paper.  “Well counselor…I guess you can’t go back to San Francisco just yet.”  She shrugged and stuck the pieces of the documents in her briefcase as she walked out of the room leaving Kate in total silence to think about what just transpired.  After a few minutes she sat up and took her phone out dialing as she brought it to her ear.

“Kate Reed’s office.”

Kate sighed.  “Leo…it’s Kate.  I need you to do something for me.”

Leo pursed his lips as he calmly replied.  “What do you need?”

Kate ran her hand through her hair and sighed.  “I need you to find out everything you can about the research Dr. Lewis was doing at her foundation.”

Leo looked confused.  “We already looked, nothing was published because it wasn’t complete yet.”

Kate nodded and stood up to pace.  “I know…I need the incomplete reports.”

Leo smirked slightly.  “Are you asking me to hack their system Kate?”

The brunette mediator sighed.  “I need you do to this for me Leo.  I don’t care how you do it.”

Leo nodded and drummed his fingers on the table.  “You got it. Oh and Kate?”

She sighed.  “Yes?”

Leo smirked.  “You owe me.”

Kate laughed.  “Yeah yeah, just get this done.  Preferably today.”

Leo nodded.  “I’ll call you back.”

Kate hung up and tapped her phone on her chin in thought.  She knew it was kind of wishful thinking but she knew if she could get her hands on that research and help the two of them understand how much they were both working towards the same goal that they might be able to resolve this.  She wasn’t sure she cared about their relationship being resolved but she knew the way things were currently going weren’t right and she hoped she would be able to get them to a place where they could make it so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4B**

_ June 17, 2007 _

**I never understood before.  I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore - What a feeling.  I never understood before. I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore - What a feeling.**

**What a feeling in my soul - Love burns brighter than sunshine, Brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours, and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly, you're mine; And it's brighter than sunshine.**

_“Lauren!”_

_The young blonde doctor smiled as her good friend burst into the room and enveloped her in a huge hug.  This was the day she’d been waiting her entire life for.  Tamsin laughed as she picked her friend up easily and gave her a huge hug before setting her down and checking that she hadn’t messed up her hair or makeup._

_“You look amazing Lauren.”  
_

_The doctor blushed.  “Thank you for coming Tamsin.  Really, I wasn’t sure you’d make it.”_

_Tamsin nodded and smiled as she waived her friend off.  “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.  I would have literally moved mountains to be here for you today.”  
_

_Lauren laughed and nodded knowing her friend was speaking the truth and not in exaggeration.  Tamsin had always been fiercely protective of the young blonde but at the same time the best friend she could have ever hoped for and she always did whatever was necessary to ensure the blonde doctor was happiest at all times._

_“Your dress is hanging in there…go get changed we only have a few hours!”_

_Tamsin nodded and gave her hand a squeeze before heading into the bathroom to slip into the matron of honor dress.  Lauren had insisted from the first second she’d gotten engaged that Tamsin was to be the one to stand beside her and support her on her big day.  Ten minutes later she emerged and Lauren beamed at her friend’s appearance in the fitted strapless dress._

_“Lovely…just lovely Tamsin.”  
_

_The tall blonde scoffed as she moved behind Lauren who was taking in her appearance in the full length mirror.  She smiled down at her friend’s reflection and put her hands lightly on her shoulders.  “You are absolutely glowing Lauren.  I’ve never seen you so happy and I have to say I couldn’t pick a better person to be your reason for happiness.”_

_Lauren looked up at her friend with a small smile.  “You think?”  
_

_Tamsin nodded.  “She loves you with her everything Lauren.  And she is the only person I know that would go further than I would to make you happy.  She’s a good one Laur…she’s a good one.”  
_

_Lauren felt tears of happiness form in her eyes as she smiled back at her friend’s reflection.  It meant the world to her to have Tamsin’s approval of Bo and she knew that moreso than any blood relative the tall snarky blonde was the only family she would ever need.  “I love her Tamsin.  So much.”  
_

_Tamsin nodded.  “I know Lauren.  I know.”_

**I never saw it happening. I'd given up and given in. I just couldn't take the hurt again - What a feeling. I didn't have the strength to fight. Suddenly, you seemed so right. Me and you - What a feeling.**

_“Move people, hot coffee coming through.”_

_Kenzi pushed past the few people that were mulling around the dressing room where Bo was getting ready.  She and Lauren had agreed to do a somewhat traditional ceremony including them not seeing each other until the reveal right before the ceremony and it was killing the brunette to not be near her soon to be bride.  She had been a bundle of nerves for the past 72 hours, the total time that had passed since she’d last seen or spoken to Lauren and if Bo didn’t get an opportunity to see her soon she was seriously going to kill someone._

_“Here…drink this.”_

_Kenzi shoved a shot of whiskey in Bo’s hand and the brunette laughed as she looked at her best friend with amusement.  “I don’t think I need to get drunk before all this Kenz.  And seriously I haven’t eaten in a week, this shot may put me on my ass.”  
_

_Kenzi shrugged.  “Well something needs to you’ve been acting like a crazy person.  You need to chillax.”  
_

_Bo laughed and shook her head.  Only Kenzi would know exactly how to handle her and she thanked her lucky stars every day that she had such a good friend in her life.  With no real family to speak of Kenzi had sort of adopted her as a surrogate sister and even though Bo was two years older than her Kenzi was definitely the older sibling in almost every way._

_The pair raised the little shot glasses in a silent toast and Bo threw it back without contest knowing that Kenzi’s assessment of the situation was correct.  She made a face as the amber liquid burned and licked her lips letting the familiar taste linger on her tongue.  “Can you believe this Kenz…I’m getting married.”  
_

_Kenzi couldn’t help but smile in amusement and nodded slowly.  “Bo Dennis you deserve every moment of happiness that you’ve had and all of those that are yet to come.  That woman that you are marrying is a Godsend and the two of you together are the cutest, most adorkable, most ridiculous couple I have ever seen.  You make each other happier than is probably humanly possible yet every time I see you together you prove me wrong again and again.”  
_

_Bo laughed as the warmth spread through her body.  “I love her Kenz.  More than I could have even imagined loving anyone.  I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and this will all have been a dream.”  
_

_Kenzi gave her a sad smile and shook her head.  “This isn’t a dream Bo.  This is reality.  YOUR reality.  You deserve some good in your life and Dr. Lewis is your happily ever after that you’ve been waiting for.”_

_Bo smiled.  “Thank you Kenz.  Thank you for being there for me all these years and for being there for me today.”  
_

_Kenzi waived her off.  “Bitch please, I better be the one here with you on this very momentous occasion.  You are breaking hearts all over the world tonight my friend.  Officially_ _off the market and I don’t think there is a fuck you give about that is there?”_

_Bo laughed as the alcohol had done its job and finally taken the edge off.  “Hell.  No.”_

_Kenzi smiled and hugged her friend.  “Let’s go get you married kid.”  
_

_Bo smiled.  “Let’s go get me married.  Yes.”_

**And it's brighter than the sun. It's brighter than the sun. It's brighter than the sun, sunshine. Love will remain a mystery, But give me your hand, and you will see. Your heart is keeping time with me.  
**

**What a feeling in my soul - Love burns brighter than sunshine. It's brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours, and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly, you're mine.**

_Bo held her breath slightly as the small door on the patio area opened with a slight creak.  It was finally time for them to see each other before the ceremony and Bo had been looking forward to this all day long.  Heck, she’d been waiting for this all her life.  She smiled as the sun lit up the golden hair of her love and she knew her face would probably crack soon from the huge smile she couldn’t keep off of her face._

_“Hi.”  
_

_Lauren crossed the short distance and before she knew what was happening she had her arms around Bo and was placing soft kisses on her lips.  “Hi.”  
_

_Bo took a deep breath and held her lightly as she sighed happily.  “Hi.”  
_

_Lauren laughed and ran her hand lightly down Bo’s bare arm.  “I think you said that already.”  
_

_Bo smiled and nodded happily.  “You’re right.  Wow.  You look…Lauren…you look amazing.”_

_Lauren blushed and looked at Bo shyly.  “You don’t look so bad yourself Ms. Dennis.”  
_

_Bo beamed and let the happiness wash over her.  She slid her hand lightly down and intertwined her fingers with Lauren’s as she looked at her with a look that can only be described as pure, unconditional love.  “This is forever Lauren.  Me and you, hand in hand together, this is all I’ve ever wanted.”  
_

_This time Lauren couldn’t stop the tears from slowly falling down her face as she cupped Bo’s cheek lightly.  “I don’t know how but you keep continuing to surprise me every day Bo.  And I love you for it more and more ever time.”  
_

_Bo leaned over and kissed the palm of Lauren’s hand that was cupping her face and she leaned in to lightly rest her forehead against the blonde’s.  “You ready to do this Dr. Lewis?”  
_

_Lauren laughed and nodded.   “I’ve been ready my whole life Bo.”_

**I got a feeling in my soul. Love burns brighter than sunshine, Brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours, and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly, you're mine.**

_As the crowd buzzed with excitement Kenzi and Tamsin leaned against the bar sipping their drinks and taking in the party atmosphere that was going on around them.  The nuptials had been quite the success and now they had transitioned to full on party mode as the couple celebrated their union._

_“Did you think this would finally happen?”  
_

_Kenzi scoffed and stared at her glass before throwing back her shot of vodka.  “If it didn’t heads were gonna roll.”  
_

_Tamsin laughed and nodded as she sipped her beer slowly and looked at Kenzi with amusement.  “I’m going to assume you mean that metaphorically in which case I’d agree.”  
_

_Kenzi snorted as she breathed in her refilled glass and smirked.  “Sure, let’s go with that.”  
_

_It was no secret to the pair that they had less than favorable pasts and they’d made it their mission to ensure nothing disturbed the couples happy times dating back to when the pair had first gotten together all those years ago.  Although they’d never admit to using their shady connections both women knew it wasn’t beyond the other to call in favors if needed should anyone mess with the lovebirds._

_“Well I for one am happy they finally got hitched.  It’s about damn time.”  
_

_Kenzi nodded and laughed.  “I’ll drink to that.”  
_

_They toasted and threw back their drinks before heading over to join Bo and Lauren at the head table for the remainder of dinner.  The night had been a total success and no expense had been spared to give the couple the night they so deserved._

_“Hey…save that for later.”  
_

_Bo and Lauren had been whispering softly to each other and Tamsin not-so-gracefully had taken her seat next to Lauren and effectively broke up the pair who laughed as they were joined by their best friends.  The foursome each filled their champagne glasses and Kenzi sighed happily as she raised hers slightly.  “A toast.  To Bo and Lauren and all of us finally getting a break from you two fretting about this and making it official.”  
_

_They all laughed and Tamsin nodded as she raised her own glass for the little group.  “And to happiness…may you both have many, many years of that to come.  And to Bo for finally putting a ring on it because seriously, I was starting to get worried.”  
_

_The group laughed again and Bo shook her head as they all clinked glasses and shared a good laugh.  It was a night that perfectly represented the love not only her and Lauren shared but the love that all four ladies shared for each other which went beyond labels.  They were a family and then some and they knew nothing would ever change that._

_ooOOoo_

_ June 17, 2014 _

_Bo sighed as she climbed out of her Range Rover and looked up at house as if seeing it for the first time.  It was a place that had become so unfamiliar to her mostly because she’d let herself become a broken shell of a memory that she once had of herself.  With heavy feet she walked up the short walkway to the front door noticing almost immediately that all of the lights in the house were on, something that wasn’t a good sign considering it was almost midnight.  She braced herself as she put her key in the door and pushed it open slowly not sure what to expect on the other side of the door._

_“Lauren?”  
_

_Bo slowly walked into the house and stopped when she saw Lauren sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine open in front of her and a pair of glasses sitting next to it.  Bo took in the broken appearance of her wife an she berated herself for being the reason Lauren looked this way.  “Do you know what time it is Bo?”  
_

_The brunette glanced at the clock and sighed as she shook her head.  “I’m sorry Lauren I lost track of time.  Really.  I swear I…”  
_

_Lauren put her hand up and sighed sadly as she barely looked up at her wife.  “I know things are messed up right now Bo but I thought…you know what forget it.  I’m not sure what I thought.”_

_She stood up slowly and walked towards Bo only pausing as she stood almost evenly with her.  “It was our anniversary Bo.  And you couldn’t even make it home on time for that.  I don’t know what’s going on with you lately but I’m done.  If you want a divorce just tell me.  I’ll have Tamsin draft papers in the morning.” She waited for Bo to say something, anything but when nothing came after a few minutes she sighed tiredly and started to walk past her._

_“Wait.”  Bo put her hand on Lauren’s arm to stop her and the blonde had to admit it was almost strange to feel Bo touch her since she felt like it had been forever since that last happened.  Bo turned to look at Lauren sadly and she took a deep breath as the tears started forming in her eyes.  “Lauren…I’m sorry about today.  And…I…I need to tell you something…”_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

“Lauren wait…”

Tamsin trailed after her friend who was walking surprisingly fast considering she wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going.  Luckily she’d been to Dennis Enterprise enough times to know the layout of the campus like the back of her hand and she navigated her way blindly towards the parking area lost in thought about everything that had just transpired.

Internally Lauren was beating herself up for the way she’d handled the meeting and she couldn’t believe she let the bit of information slip about the research being successful.  Sure it technically hadn’t been proven successful in a human being but she knew with 100% certainty based on all of the research and clinical trials they’d done in the lab that it would in fact work.  Even though her marriage was falling apart and the whole reason she was doing the research in the first place was no longer her end goal she knew she owed it to science to see it through.  If nothing else, she had to admit had it not been for her and Bo’s relationship she never would have considered this type of study in the lab. 

“FUCK!”

Lauren let out a groan of frustration as she realized how much Bo’s words were right.  She would never truly be rid of her personally or professionally. Even if she was violently angry with Bo and wanted nothing more to do with her you can’t just throw away ten years of a relationship.  Ten years of memories, of good times and bad, ten years of sharing yourself with someone who was not only your best friend but your confidant and your shelter from the storm that life threw at you.  The one person who was supposed to keep you safe and be the reason you went on each day.  The one person who was never supposed to break you.

Ten years.

Ten fucking years.

All for what?  A handful of memories that Lauren would take with her as she moved on from this tarnished by the hurt and betrayal she felt the night she found out her wife had been unfaithful.  And the best part?  It wasn’t just once.  No.  It was multiple times over the course of a few months that Bo had gone and fucked around as the void between the two of them continued to grow proving to Lauren that her beloved wife had chosen a high priced whore over her. 

Well fuck that. 

She was done being understanding and proper and trying to hold their relationship together.  She was done doing what was expected and looking past the hurt and the pain and the anger for the greater good.  She. Was. Done.

“LAUREN.”

The doctor stopped walking and turned around with an annoyed look.  “What Tamsin?”

The tall attorney finally caught up to Lauren and sighed as she did her best to not flip out on her friend.  “Okay, as your attorney I have to say what you did in there was not in your best interest.”

Lauren sighed and looked up at her with a gaze that said she was both frustrated and sad but most of all that she was tired and just wanted all of this to go away.  “And as my friend?”

Tamsin gave her a sad smile.  “As your friend I’d say you are out of your fucking mind and I swear I thought you were going to go full Carrie in there.”

Lauren couldn’t hold back the laughter that erupted from her throat and Tamsin breathed a sigh of relief to hear that sound again.  When Lauren had found out about the cheating she’d called Tamsin right away and the taller blonde basically up and moved herself from her current home in Chicago to Los Angeles to be with Lauren and help her through this rough time.  Lauren knew Tamisn would be there for her, no questions asked, and right now she was glad she had someone like the tall Swedish woman she could call her best friend.

“Well I won’t argue with you there.  And don’t worry, I don’t think I’ve hit the full on crazy stage.”

Tamsin laughed and nodded.  “Well not yet at least.  Come on, let’s get you home.”

The pair had ridden together as Lauren stated she didn’t want to get trapped alone with Bo in case the brunette had ulterior motives and Tamisn had immediately agreed and offered to drive in case Lauren was too upset after the meeting to do so herself.  They climbed into Tamsin’s Mercedes and within a few minutes they were headed down the main road away from the large offices towards the townhome that Lauren was renting.  Once she found out about the cheating she knew she couldn’t stay in the house that held so many memories of their lives together let alone sleep in the bed she’d shared with Bo all those years.  Luckily for her she had a friend who was a realtor and was able to move into the spacious townhome within a few days of making the call to inquire about a vacancy.  Because of her work at the Lewis Foundation she didn’t want to leave the city so she was staying in Santa Monica and had basically spent the three or four months doing nothing but working and sleeping.

“You hungry?”

Tamsin glanced over at Lauren as she navigated the streets of downtown Los Angeles and expertly guided them quickly towards Lauren’s temporary home.  She had thought it wasn’t fair that Lauren should be the one to move out but when the doctor had explained her reasoning Tamsin couldn’t argue with her rationale and she understood why the blonde really didn’t want to have to step foot in that house again.

“No I’m okay.  Just tired.”

Tamsin nodded and took the exit from the 10W to turn up towards the townhome. She knew Lauren wouldn’t be hungry so she’d just driven towards the townhome knowing they wouldn’t be stopping. 

RING RING

Lauren glanced at her phone and shook her head as she showed Tamsin the phone.

_Bo Dennis_

Without hesitation Tamsin grabbed the phone out of Lauren’s hand and hit the ‘end’ button before throwing the phone in the back seat.  It wasn’t odd for Bo to call her after what transpired today but Lauren was just surprised she’d called so soon after the meeting ended.  Bo hadn’t tried to call her in a few weeks after the last time she did she caught an ear full from a slightly drunk Lauren about having lost the right to think she could talk to her whenever she pleased.  Since Bo had admitted the affair to Lauren she’d spent all her time trying to talk to the blonde to explain the situation but Lauren wasn’t having it.  She didn’t care what the reason was that Bo had decided it would be okay to screw someone else when she was supposed to be faithful to her. 

It’s not to say Lauren hadn’t thought about the situation and she’d come to a few realizations about the whole situation.  First off, Lauren knew if it had only been one time, perhaps a drunken night after Bo was working late and wasn’t thinking straight or a night when they’d been fighting and Bo acted out of vengeance she probably could forgive.  She wouldn’t forget, but she was almost certain she could forgive that because she strongly believe everyone deserved a second chance, even her cheating asshole of a wife.

Secondly, Lauren figured even if the cheating had been more than once but been over the course of a week or two she would be able to rationalize that it was a lapse in character and they would eventually be able to work through it…assuming that was something they both wanted.  In her pragmatic brain she understood enough about the human psyche to understand that if Bo was in lust with another and needed to satisfy some need she wouldn’t take it lightly and it would take years to repair the damage done but she could see herself eventually forgiving this as well, with the level of trust severely impacted to the point where Lauren knew she would really never fully trust Bo again.

But what she really came to realize that this whole situation was more about Bo settling some primal urge.  When Bo had admitted the affair Lauren demanded to know how many times and over how long of a period had it been going on.  What she found out nearly broke her on the spot.  Bo had told her it was a handful of times over the course of about four or five months.  Four or five months.  Lauren recognized the meaning behind that and she had amazed herself by keeping her cool and just telling Bo to get the fuck out.

Four or five months.

A handful of times.

This was no sexually driven romp just for the sake of fucking each other’s brains out whenever they saw fit.  No.  This was a full fucking blown affair and Lauren understood that with the handful of times when Bo had physically betrayed her she was probably emotionally betraying her for longer than that.  The fact that Bo had time to think about her actions, evaluate the situation and continued to end up in bed with another spoke volumes to the blonde and she was livid.  Bo shared things with that bitch that were supposed to be sacred between them.  The intimacy, the caring ways, the tenderness that comes with being in love.

Evony fucking Marquise.  From day one Lauren knew something was off with her but she never gave it much thought as Bo was a consummate professional and in a million years would never consider an affair let alone with someone who she worked with.  Bo had a saying about eating where you shit or something like that and Lauren always laughed about it but felt some relief in that line of thinking.  Well, until now.  It was bad enough that she knew the person Bo had been unfaithful with but to know that it was a member of the company that Bo ran was almost adding insult to injury.

Had they laughed about her in post-coital bliss?  Did it bother Bo that she had to see Evony every day or was it that daily interaction as Lauren worked long hours trying to figure out a way to start a family for them that drove her into the devil’s arms?  Lauren couldn’t be certain but she knew that she hated the fact that Evony not only knew her but that she had a connection to Bo that preceded the affair.

“Lauren?”

The doctor didn’t realize they’d pulled up to her driveway and had been sitting there for a few minutes in silence.  She’d been so lost in her head that she hadn’t even noticed Tamsin shut the car off. 

“Let’s go inside okay?”

Lauren nodded and got out of the car slowly following Tamsin up the short walk to her front door.  The attorney opened the door with the key that Lauren had given her and they quietly made their way into the kitchen where Tamsin immediately went to get them a bottle of wine.  She reached up and grabbed two glasses before opening the bottle of red to let it breathe.

“Sooo…you wanna talk about it now or get drunk first?”

Tamsin gave Lauren a playful smile as the doctor sat at the counter almost in a state of shock.  Her body and her mind had been through an emotional roller coaster in the past few hours and she actually wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t at this point.  She’d done the one thing she didn’t think she’d ever do and that was to tell Bo how the research had been successful.  She wasn’t withholding it out of spite or anger.  She was withholding it because she knew if Bo knew it had worked she’d try like hell to reconnect so they could live the life they’d wanted to for all those years.

All those years.

All the nights when Lauren and Bo would lie in bed talking about the future and how things would get better _one day_.  All those nights when they’d fight about the little things not realizing they both wanted the same things but they were both too stubborn to hear what the other person was saying.  All those nights when they’d talk for hours about everything and nothing yet at the end of the day they knew the other knew everything there was to know about them.

All those nights they fought.

Over money.  Over where to live.  Over Lauren’s work schedule.  Over Bo’s work schedule.  Over starting a family.  Over even having a family at all.

All those moments.

When Lauren would look at Bo and know this was forever for her.  When she’d look at the brunette and know this woman was the person she’d love forever because this was the first person she’d met that touched her soul.  All those moments when Lauren knew she loved Bo completely and knew nothing and no one would ever make her feel the way she did at that exact moment.

Gone.

Bo had taken something from her that she’d never thought she’d lose and now she was a ghost of herself trying to get through each day little by little.  Trying not to act like her life was crumbling before her eyes and she was powerless to stop it. 

“Might as well right?”

Tamsin nodded as she poured them both a glass and handed one to Lauren.  She motioned to follow her out to the deck where they sat in the cool California afternoon breeze and shared the bottle of wine as Lauren poured her thoughts out only to have Tamsin listen and interject when it was apparent Lauren’s emotions were getting the better of her.

“So what do you want to do Lauren?  Now that it’s out there and official where do you go from here?”

Lauren sighed slowly as she stared out at the ocean.  This was her calming place, the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt air soothed her soul.  It always had.  Ever since she was a little girl it was the escape that she ran to whenever she needed to clear her head or get her thoughts in order.  It was her safety blanket, her one requirement when deciding where to settle her life, she needed to be near the ocean.  Normally it offered her sanctuary but today the waves seemed to be haunting her, reminding her that something so beautiful was so unpredictable and could break her at any moment.

“I don’t know Tamsin.  I don’t know.  Where am I supposed to go?  I…I…”

Tears escaped her eyes although she did her best she couldn’t contain them from rolling down her face in full streams that stained her clothes and her skin almost burning her as a reminder that her whole world had ended the night she found out Bo had committed the most humiliating and detrimental betrayal of her life.

“I love her Tamsin.  I still love her.  I know I’ll always love her.”

Tamsin frowned as she looked at Lauren sadly.  She knew her best friend was speaking the truth in this moment because if nothing else Lauren Lewis did everything completely.  She dedicated herself to her studies completely.  She dedicated herself to her work completely.  And most importantly, she dedicated herself to loving Bo completely.  Sure, she wasn’t the easiest person to be with, often times appearing cold or standoffish but underneath all of that was the person that Tamsin knew.  The woman who had given herself completely only to have her heart broken by the woman that had sworn to protect it with her life.

“I know Laur…I know.”

Lauren gave her a teary smile and laughed slightly when Tamsin motioned for her to join her on the lounge chair she was sitting on.  It wasn’t uncommon for them to cuddle together and although Tamsin normally didn’t initiate the affectionate time Lauren knew in this moment Tamsin understood exactly what was needed.  Lauren needed the physical comfort of being held in a safe embrace and Tamsin was willing to provide that to her without hesitation.

“Do you want to be with her still Lauren?  Do you want to stay married to her?”

Lauren shrugged as she settled in Tamsin’s arms and felt her body relax almost instantaneously.  It was a familiar feeling to be held by her friend because honestly it’s what got her through medical school and right now she was happy to let the familiar scent wash over her and be the thing to calm her fears and soothe her emotions to where she could think logically again.

“I don’t want to lose her Tamsin.  But I’m afraid I already have.”

The taller blonde rolled her eyes and shook her head.  “Lauren you are so smart but sometimes you are so, so stupid.  You haven’t lost her, but if you want her you need to fight for her.  Fight for the relationship.  Fight and show her that you deserve happiness and for whatever fucked up reason that happiness is found in her.”  
Lauren laughed and shook her head.  Trust Tamsin to make something so sweet and sentimental into a joke to ease the tension some.  It was one of the traits that Lauren appreciated most about her and she was glad that Tamsin was on her side and in her corner.  If nothing else, Lauren knew she had Tamsin for life and knowing that gave her the strength to think about picking up the broken pieces of her heart and maybe, just maybe put them back together slowly.

She sighed as she watched the waves and felt Tamsin squeeze her shoulders a little in comfort.  It was a small action but one that seemed to break something inside of her.  “Where did it go wrong Tamsin?  What happened to us?  What did I do wrong?”

Tamsin’s face hardened as she listened to how broken her friend sounded.  She paused as she mirrored Lauren’s stare out to the water.  “You didn’t do anything wrong Lauren.  Nothing.  This isn’t about you.  This is about Bo and her actions.”

Lauren squinted into the setting sun.  “Then why would she do this?”

Tamsin sighed again.  “I don’t know Lauren.  I just don’t know.”

The pair sat there in silence as they soaked in the remaining rays of the setting sun over the Pacific Ocean.  It was a cool October evening and after a bit they had to retreat inside where they ended up settling on the couch with Lauren eventually falling asleep from exhaustion.  Tamsin watched her with sad eyes as she knew her friend was devastated beyond repair.  It would take a miracle for things to turn around and Tamsin knew that Lauren needed to focus on healing herself first before she could ever consider fixing things with the woman she loved.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

Bo threw the papers down on her desk as she sat down angrily. She wasn’t sure what exactly happened in there but she knew whatever it was she had not been expecting. At all. Not in the slightest. Grabbing her phone she dialed Lauren’s number not really sure what she would say if the blonde picked up.

_“You’ve reached the voicemail for Doctor Lewis—“_

Bo hung up and threw the phone against the wall in anger not caring that the screen shattered as the expensive object bounced off the wall and landed at Evony’s feet. “Bo, what are you doing?”

The brunette groaned as Evony came into her office and Bo kicked her thousand dollar heels against the floor in frustration as she glared at the attorney. “This is all your fault you know.”

Evony laughed as she sauntered into the office and perched herself lightly on the edge of Bo’s massive desk. “Sweetie, if this was my fault then why are you the one holding the bag of shit? Besides, it’s not like I was fucking myself you know.”

Bo rubbed her temples as she looked down at her desk in annoyance. “And that may have been the biggest mistake of my life. No, I take that back. The biggest mistake of my life was standing Lauren up that night because you didn’t understand that ‘one drink’ really meant just one drink.”

Evony smirked and shook her head. “What can I say Bo, they do a fabulous martini.”

Bo glared at her. “This isn’t a goddamn joke Evony, this is my life we’re talking about here.”

Evony looked taken aback for a second as she quietly watched Bo unravel. True, she knew she was playing with fire from day one but to Evony nothing in life was fun unless it was a challenge and for her, Bo had become that challenge. She never intended to come to Los Angeles and start an affair that would break up the couple of the century but once she saw that there was an inkling of potential there she knew it would be worth it to at least try. For Evony it was the chase not the reward that she sought out and now that she’d finished her little game she wasn’t sure what the next logical move was. Stay or go she was undecided but she figured sticking around for her generous salary was the best way to make up her mind, no matter how long that took.

What a bitch.

Bo knew from the moment she met Evony that she would be trouble, she just didn’t know how much trouble. Unfortunately for her Evony was the best Corporate Law attorney in North America and the one that would be best suited to head up the legal team at her company. When Bo had first heard about her she was a little skeptical as Evony’s background was a bit confusing with her being in private practice prior to joining the Corporate field but every one of Bo’s trusted advisors told her Evony was the best and Bo Dennis wanted to make sure she had the best.

Getting her to come to the Enterprise was the easy thing, throw some money and the reigns of the legal department at her and Evony was on the next plane landing in LAX. That should have been a sign to Bo that she would prove to be more than she could handle but the almost predatory nature of the young attorney made Bo comfortable that above all else she would do what she was paid for, and that was to protect Bo and her assets.

“I’m going to pretend for the sake of argument that I actually give a shit about that and say so what? You fucked up Bo you know this. Speaking from a legal perspective I’d say today was a success. You got what you wanted so why not sign the papers and be done with it?”

Bo huffed as she looked up at Evony with complete surprise. “Are you fucking kidding me? How in your right mind could you call today a success?”

Evony laughed as she flipped her hair lightly over her shoulder and looked down at Bo with pity. “You got what you wanted, to keep your connection to Lauren’s little foundation. That is a success.”

Bo slammed her hand on the desk angrily. “And in the process found out that my wife had been keeping a secret from me that could have…”

Evony looked at her with amusement. “Could have what Bo? Helped fix your failing marriage? Is that what you thought?”

Bo growled as she slowly stood up and squared her shoulders towards Evony. “Do not ever talk about my marriage again. That is none of your fucking business so stay the hell out of it.”

Evony laughed and nodded. “Fine, fine. Live in your fantasy world…and hey, at least we know she was putting the money to good use right?”

Bo shook her head. “You are unbelievable Evony, I mean really…do you even have a heart? Soul? Conscience at all?”

Evony slid off the desk slowly and looked at her with a look of both amusement and disgust. “What exactly should I feel bad about here Bo? For the times when I forced you to stay late at the office or the times I coerced you to having drinks or dinner with me? Or maybe I should feel bad about the first time you crawled in bed with me? Is that it? Because the way I remember it you acted on your own free will in all of those scenarios. So don’t put your guilt trip on me because we both know I had no part in swaying your decision. I never crossed that line. YOU did Bo. And now you feel bad which is sweet really but in the grand scheme of things it was inevitable that your relationship would meet its demise sooner rather than later. And hey, at least you can say you had fun along the way right?”

Bo said nothing as Evony sauntered out of the spacious office the same way she had strutted in leaving the brunette to think about what she’d just said. True, there as an element of honesty in Evony’s words but of course they were laced with the sarcasm and taunting. Bo sighed as she leaned back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers she was looking for.

Where had it gone wrong? Why did she put herself and her relationship in that position? Why Evony? Why now?

These were all questions that had been consuming her thoughts since the first time she’d stepped out on her wife. It wasn’t like it was something planned, Bo wasn’t out looking for someone to screw around with and the thought honestly hadn’t even crossed her mind when she first met Evony. Sure the attorney was beautiful and smart and funny but beyond that Bo didn’t pay her any interest at first as things between them were strictly professional.

But, like everything else in her life, things slowly changed and Bo found herself distracted with the thought of Evony, or perhaps the thought of the ‘what if’ that Evony presented. That is a dangerous thing to consider and up until she’d actually acted on it Bo found these thoughts totally consuming her mind which scared her more than anything. They’d worked together for two years before Bo had even considered anything beyond a professional relationship with the woman. That’s not to say that Evony hadn’t made it clear that if Bo should so choose she was open to some fun but the brunette always laughed it off as she went home to her wife with a flirtatious promise of ‘maybe next time.’

She wasn’t sure what exactly changed, or when the tipping point was, but she noticed that the more things got strained at home, the more Evony held her attention, even without her realizing it. Looking back on it she realized she’d confided a lot in Evony, usually during the long nights at the office or when they were having drinks at the end of a long day and she knew the woman had used this information for her own benefit. It wasn’t overt, not obvious to Bo that the attorney was playing to her emotions but little by little she found herself opening up to Evony in ways she never would to her closest friends, let alone Lauren herself.

It would be easy to say that Lauren’s sometimes standoffish and cold demeanor pushed Bo towards Evony but that really wasn’t the case. Sure, Lauren had her moments when she’d stand her ground on certain things or pick a fight over the lack of time they’d spend together while Bo was getting her business off the ground but at the end of the day she was always loving and caring and patient, something Bo wasn’t sure she knew how to handle.

The more Bo thought about her life the more that word seemed to resonate somewhere in the back of her mind. It’s a cruel thing to say but sometimes when we get exactly what we want there comes a stagnant time in the relationship and for Bo, this was probably it. She loved Lauren yes, that was never in question, but to some extent she also missed the excitement she used to feel with the blonde early on in the relationship. Unfortunately for them however their honeymoon period had been cut short by Lauren’s long work hours and constantly being tired from always being at work or studying and eventually this took its toll on Bo.

Even after they were married and Lauren opened the foundation, she wasn’t sure how to deal with the ‘normal’ aspect of her relationship. Coming home to her wife every night, falling asleep together almost every night when she’d almost accepted the fact that sleeping next to the blonde was a rare experience. Perhaps she took Lauren for granted, or put too much expectation on their relationship, but it almost seemed that having the extra time together was inadvertently destroying them. It wasn’t like they were spending all day and night together, but when they had both gotten used to seeing each other in passing and mostly having one or two days out of the week together it was a change to get used to seeing her every night and adjusting herself to accommodate the woman in her life.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was all too easy with Lauren. Ridiculous as it sounds sometimes having the things you should want aren’t the things that keep you going. Lauren was Bo’s safe haven. Her place of solitude and comfort and peace that grounded her when she needed it most. These were the things that Bo loved and hated about Lauren and she had to admit at times she felt like these were the things that made her life so monotonous. It’s not fair to say that she was truly bored with Lauren but the more domesticated her life became, the more Bo found herself fighting within to break free and have something challenge her and push her once again.

That’s how most would describe her actions and line of thinking in this situation but Bo knew it was more than that. After one particularly long night with Kenzi drinking and having a typical girls night out it became clear to Bo that what she missed most were all the things that being with Lauren had changed about her. Not to say that she wanted to be single again or that she craved attention, but it occurred to Bo that when she went out nowadays she never noticed anyone else except the blonde by her side. Bo was a people person and it was during that fun night of drinking with her best friend that she realized she kind of missed all of it.

The craziness, the fun, the ability to turn heads as she entered a room. All of it.

Yes, Bo was happy with her wife and content with her home life but at the core of everything she was human and she was a woman which meant it was nice to be appreciated and somehow Evony picked up on that and subtly used this to her advantage. It’s a thing of beauty when you can understand how to manipulate someone’s thoughts and feelings to your advantage and that’s exactly what Evony excelled at. It was one of the reasons she was such a good attorney and something she always prided herself on being able to do if the need arose. It’s not to say that Bo was completely innocent in this either as she let Evony’s charming ways affect her but she knew the dangerous game she was playing and after fighting it for so long she finally relented and let it run its course.

The first time it happened Bo had been slightly tipsy and not thinking clearly. She’d fought with Lauren the night before and had no intention of being at home while Lauren was there. It was easy to escape, telling Lauren she needed to meet clients for lunch or drinks or attend meetings in various parts of the city as she knew the blonde would never check up on her to confirm this was in fact where she was. That first time had been one of those days when she was ‘meeting with clients’ meaning she was down the street with Evony at their local watering hole having a stiff drink while Bo recanted the latest thing Lauren had done to piss her off. In actuality it had been a so-so sexual experience for both of them, mostly due to the inebriated state they were both in, but for Bo it was exhilarating.

This was so out of character for her that as she was driving home she didn’t even recognize her own reflection in the rear view mirror. When she’d gotten home later that night Lauren had been asleep and Bo slipped into the shower thinking about what she’d just done and internally panicking as she thought about how Lauren would instantaneously know and what the fall out of that would be. In order to absolve herself as much as possible she’d gone out of her way to ensure the blonde didn’t have opportunity to witness any potential scars or marks on her body as the details of her night with Evony were slightly hazy.

Three weeks had passed between the first and second time it happened and simply put, during that time Bo was a mess. She was stressed out from the guilt she felt about cheating on Lauren but also she was stressed out about the fact that a part of her was now interested in what else Evony had to offer. It was as if she’d awakened a part of her brain she didn’t know existed and she was hooked on the smart mouthed attorney whether she would admit it or not. Perhaps it was the fact that Evony and Lauren were as opposite as could be, or perhaps it was the fact that Evony wasn’t as serious as Lauren and could enjoy life for what it was and not give a fuck about the more serious things that she should be caring about but either way, she’d caught Bo’s interest and the brunette had found herself unsure of how to make this interest in her attorney go away.

The second and third time it happened Bo found herself almost high off the experience. Perhaps it was the danger in getting caught, or perhaps it was the fact that she was acting for herself for once instead of considering all of the angles and the feelings of everyone involved. Most notably her wife who seemed to be none the wiser to her indiscretions. Whatever the reason was, the more she found herself in Evony’s metaphoric bed the more she realized what scared her most is that she wanted to be there. It was different than how it was with Lauren, and she knew it was nothing more than lust for both of them, but this didn’t dampen the desire that burned within each time she sat across from Evony at a meeting or discussed something with her in the office.

Thankfully they never had a go of things in the office itself but the last time they’d been together Bo found herself breaking down as she tried to wrestle with her emotions and her feelings and her conscience all at once. Somehow Evony had convinced her to spend the night and she did so in the attorney’s multi-million dollar estate up in the Hollywood Hills. That night, as she laid awake and watched Evony sleep she knew she’d completely broken inside and had no idea how to fix this predicament.

Perhaps a little displaced, or perhaps it was her own projection of the uncertainty and stress she felt due to her own actions but as she lay there next to the other brunette she had felt the anger creep up for the first time. This wasn’t the average blood boiling angry rage type of anger. No. This was a slow burn, a fire fueled by frustration and loneliness and the humiliation she felt knowing she’d thrown away everything she’d wanted in life for a temporary escape that only served to remind her of what she had given up for a few orgasms.

The more Bo thought about it the more she also felt the initial signs of resentment towards Lauren and everything she had put them through. It was irrational, but to some extent Bo was frustrated with how things had developed for them and each step along the way had been met with struggle. Initially dating had been easy, but as they progressed to a more serious couple and did all the things that long term couples do together, the real struggle began. Deciding to live together, getting engaged, getting married. It was all a struggle. Not because they didn’t love each other or because they didn’t want it to work but because they almost wanted it too much. They were too cautious, too careful, too unwilling to fight for the things that perhaps they should have early on to avoid the small things simmering just below the surface growing larger and larger until it was ready to explode.

Thinking back Bo was surprised that Lauren didn’t suspect anything was going on. Or, perhaps worse yet maybe she did and she chose to ignore it. Either way, the signs were there. The longer than normal nights at the office, the skipped meals, the lack of free time she had to spend with the blonde…all the signs were there. Maybe Bo wanted to get caught. Maybe her subconscious was telling her to get her shit together and face her demons head on. Maybe Bo should have listened. But, instead, she did what she always did. Acting impulsively her time at home with Lauren had become nothing more than moment of sharing meals, having sex or sleeping.

Yes. Through all this Bo kept up the façade as well as possible and that meant continuing her bedroom life with her wife. If anything the charge she got from sleeping with Evony seemed to spark her desires at home as well and Lauren reaped the rewards as their sex life had picked up, again something Lauren never questioned but just went along with as expected.

And then there was the issue of children.

Bo loved Lauren unconditionally that was a fact. Bo had sacrificed time and time again for her wife and did so without complaint or protest knowing the blonde was always working to better things for them in the future. Bo had given up her whole world for Lauren and when asked she would honestly say there was nothing she regretted about her life with the blonde. Except for children. Or the lack thereof. From early on this was a point of contention and while Lauren never flat out said she would not have children the answer was always ‘not now’ or ‘in a few years when…’ and Bo was tired. She was sick of waiting for the blonde to be ready so she pushed those feelings aside and told herself they were just not meant to have children.

Now that she thought about it, asking Lauren to research the possibility of creating a child with their DNA was probably one of the most detrimental things Bo could have done to their relationship. She had basically leveraged her company’s finances to help her wife’s developing foundation while simultaneously helping her own desire come to fruition. To her credit though Lauren had taken it in stride and plowed ahead with the research however once that started, Bo now realized, the void between them became more and more tangible to the point where Lauren would spend all day and night at the lab citing the genetics research as the reason why instead of being at home with Bo where she should have been.

To say Bo was angry was probably unfair however it was still a valid feeling to the brunette and something that fueled her detachment at times where the blonde was concerned. She tried to not take her frustration out on Lauren but she knew based on their few screaming matches that she was not always able to hold back where she was concerned. So Bo had found herself in the arms of another and each time the growing ball of fire within grew. Bo was angry that she felt like being here was more enjoyable than being with the blonde. Bo was angry that the more she pushed Lauren away the more the blonde seemed oblivious, or chose to ignore it, and continued on as if things between them weren’t falling apart at the seams.

Shaking her head slightly Bo shook the thoughts out of her head and she sat up at her desk slowly reaching for her phone. She knew she wasn’t in the mood to really deal with anyone right now but she also knew sitting here alone with her demons was going to slowly drive her insane. She knew she didn’t have a whole lot of leniency here but nonetheless she knew she needed some form of escape. Bo may have done the deed but it the issue at hand was bigger than that. Her future was on the line and she knew she had no reason to go on without Lauren by her side where she belong. It would be cliché to say she’d take it back if she could, and to some extent Bo wasn’t sure if that was a fair statement even taking into consideration all that had happened.

‘Fuck it’ thought Bo as she reached for the phone on her desk. She paused as she let her fingers linger over the keys for a second. Bo wasn’t sure what the next move was and it was killing her. She was used to planning, preparing for her next step, always having the endgame in mind with whatever she did. But this, now, she was completely unsure of what would happen and perhaps this was the best thing all around.

RING RING

“Hi Kate, it’s Bo. I want to schedule another meeting…”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7

Kate stared at her phone for a second as if to make sure she’d heard the caller correctly before putting it back up to her ear.  “Okay Bo, sure.  How about tomorrow?”

After a few more minutes the young mediator was scribbling down an address and a phone number to reach Bo on in case she got lost.  After hanging up she smiled slightly and leaned back in the driver’s seat of her rental car as she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel lightly.  Bo had actually called to request a meeting and asked her to contact Lauren and have her join them at an address she wasn’t all that familiar with.  It was still a Los Angeles zip code so she knew she wasn’t going too far away but she really had no idea where she was going or what would be in store for her when she got there.

HONK

Kate glared in her rear view mirror as the impatient twenty-something behind her made an unfriendly gesture with his hand encouraging her to go as the light had been green for a whole two seconds.  Sighing she accelerated through the busy streets and after about twenty more minutes she was dropping her car at the valet and heading into the hotel.  Going up to her room she threw her bag on the bed while flopping down next to it and dialing her assistant waiting impatiently for him to pick up.

“Kate Reed’s office.”

“Leo…hey it’s Kate.”

The colorful assistant smiled as he wandered the halls of Reed and Reed avoiding the less than favorable attorney’s he didn’t want to get stuck talking with.  The Bluetooth forever attached to his ear was a blessing and a curse as he could use it to his advantage to appear busy when in fact he was just not in the mood to talk to whoever stopped him.  At the moment however it was more curse than blessing as he literally had the voice of his bubbly supervisor in his ear.  “Kate, what do you want?”

The brunette laughed and shook her head as she stretched out on the oversized and very, very comfortable bed.  “Is that any way to talk to your boss Leo?”

He laughed and shook his head.  “It is when the boss is out of arm’s reach.  Haha.  Okay I’m sorry Kate, what can I do for you?”

Kate smirked to herself as she rolled her eyes, never getting tired of Leo’s antics.  “I think I’m almost done here so I should be back by this weekend.”

Leo stopped as he entered his office and looked around in confusion even though she couldn’t see him.  “Wait, I’m confused.  Yesterday they were at each other’s throats.  Today they’re ready to make nice and reach a decision?”

Kate sighed and stared at the ceiling for help.  “I know, it sounds too good to be true, even in my head.  I’m not sure but one party has already signed the separation papers so now we just need the other signature.”

Leo rubbed his chin in thought as he settled into his computer and brought up the online strategy game he’d been busying himself with while Kate had been gone.  “So what more do you have to do?  I mean wasn’t that your job?  Go down to LA and get a decision made?”

Kate frowned as she sighed loudly.  “I think there’s more to it than that.  This is too easy Leo, something isn’t adding up here.”

He laughed as he clicked around the screen he was on looking for something or another on his game.  “Don’t do it Kate.  Don’t get involved.”

Kate laughed and sat up as she reached for her bag.  “I know I’m right in this case Leo.  These two women have been in a relationship for ten years.  You can’t tell me this one indiscretion is reason enough to have this preverbal war over one detail of their separation.”

Leo sighed and leaned back in his chair as his online game buffered the next level.  “Kate.”

She shook her head and stared ahead deep in thought.  She could hear the warning tone in his voice but she knew he couldn’t understand where she was coming from with this.  “I’m serious.  This isn’t just about the cheating.  This is…more than that.  I can’t explain it Leo.”

He shrugged and punched a few keys on the computer as he ramped his guy up to fight in the current room he was in.  “I could sit here and tell you why getting invested in this is a bad idea but we both know that’s just a waste of my breath so why don’t you just tell me what you think?”

Kate laughed loudly as she rolled her eyes and put him on speaker as she rifled through the papers she’d retrieved out of her bag.  She spread them out on the bed and looked them over quickly.  “Well for starters I just don’t understand why the financing is such an issue for Lauren except for the fact that the thing she was researching seemed to be a point of contention between the couple.  As the head of a research foundation it’s in her best interest to have steady contributors and Bo’s company is a logical source of funding for her.”

Leo chuckled to himself as he shook his head.  “Lauren? Bo?  How much time did you spend with these people Kate?”

She shrugged and sighed.  “I’m missing something here.  I spoke with both of them and it seems at least on the surface that they both want the same thing, to fix the problems they’d been having and move forward.”

Leo squinted his eyes as his player got demolished on the computer screen not really paying attention to what his boss was saying.  He knew she was probably more invested than she needed to be but that was often the case with her and the bleeding heart syndrome got boring after a while.  “Well that would be fine except for the fact that Bo cheated.”

Kate frowned as she stared at the phone with slight annoyance.  “Can you at least try and sound interested?”

Leo sighed overdramatically as he hit pause on his game and leaned back in his chair locking his hands together as he rested his elbows on the armrests.  “I’m not understanding what you’re saying Kate.  Bo Dennis had an ongoing affair with a woman she worked with on a daily basis while her wife, Dr. Lewis, was busy researching the possibility of spawning their child through a combination of their own DNA.  If that’s not the lowest betrayal of all betrayals I’m not really sure what is.”

When he put it that way Kate knew her young assistant was probably right but some part of her felt that there was more to the story than meets the eye.  She ran a hand through her hair in frustration as she made a strangling motion towards the phone.  “If it were that easy then yes, I think this is a no-brainer but you weren’t there Leo.  You didn’t see the way they interacted or how they looked when talking about the other.  Wait…how did you know all that? I didn’t tell you about the research thing.”

Leo sighed and rubbed his forehead knowing what he was about to do would only fuel her fire even more.  “I’ve been doing my own research Kate.  So much so that I actually had a conversation with one of Bo’s confidants.”

Kate looked confused.  “Who did you talk to and why didn’t I know about this?”

Leo laughed.  “I tracked down a Ms. Kenzi Malikov…who apparently is Bo’s best friend and she told me quite the story.  And this only happened today which is why I’ve been calling you all day with no response thank you.”

She growled slightly and rolled her eyes in frustration.  “Leo…”

He chuckled and opened his notebook where he’d scribbled a few notes.  “Okay okay, let me give you the abridged version and then you can take this and do whatever you want with it.  Basically the way she explains it is that this was a relationship built on love or whatever but doomed because they were so invested in trying to build the relationship that they forgot to enjoy it and each other.  Obviously this Kenzi person is biased towards her friend but she admits Bo’s shortcomings were her stubbornness and her impatience early on.  This was only spurred however by Lauren’s reluctance or inability to adjust her life to make room for the relationship.  From what I understand both of them tried so hard to get things right on their end that they let the communication suffer and as a result they were beginning to resent their situation.  Bo because she felt alienated by Lauren and the doc because she felt Bo pulling away.”

Kate bit her lip as she thought about what he was saying. Ever pragmatic, she knew he was taking the neutral, objective stance on this whole situation.  He was looking at the facts presented and making a rational evaluation of the situation, not letting feeling or emotion cloud his thoughts. “That makes perfect sense then.  I wish you could see them Leo, this isn’t just some blaze marriage that didn’t work.  It’s hard to describe but you know how when you see a couple and know they are each other’s destiny…that is what is going on here.  This is…it’s…this is a love story.”  

He chuckled lightly knowing he was fighting a losing battle when she got her mind set on something.  And that tone of voice she was using told him all he needed to know.  “Okay then tell me about that.  Because I’m not kidding Kate, this sounds like you are setting yourself up for disappointment.”

Kate looked surprised.  “Disappointment?”

Leo nodded as if she could see him.  “You get your heart set on something turning out a certain way and when it doesn’t you’re devastated and lose all faith in humanity.  And according to Kenzi their biggest problem is themselves.  They can’t see past their own issues and it’s destroying them both.”

Kate rolled her eyes.  “That’s a bit dramatic.”

Leo laughed.  “That’s fact.  I’m sorry Kate but I don’t know if this is a fixable situation.  And your job isn’t to play therapist to their marriage, it’s to mediate the dispute about their separation.  Have you done that?”

Kate frowned again as she sighed softly.  “I’m working on that.”

Leo nodded his head.  “Get it done and get back here Kate.”

She sighed and started pacing next to the bed.  She knew she needed to get beyond the failed marriage and help them see what was there before it all went to shit.  Her gut was telling her not to walk away just yet and she knew she wouldn’t rest easy until she did.  “I have one more meeting with them then we’ll see from there.”

Leo rolled his eyes.  “Judge Thompson called and wanted an update Kate.  You have three more days.”

She smiled and nodded at the phone.  “I know Leo, and tell Judge Thompson not to worry.  I think if I can open the lines of communication things will get better.”

He laughed and shook his head.  “What are you going to do Kate?”

She smirked as she rubbed her hands together.  “I’m just going to help them remember what it was that they are agreeing to give up.”

He leaned back and shook his head slowly knowing whatever she was planning would probably backfire.  “Okay, well just remember Kate.  Three more days.  That’s it.”

She laughed and nodded as she stared at her phone.  “Three days Leo.  That’s all I need.”

Leo rolled his eyes as he went back to the game he was playing.  Tuning her out was a daily occurrence and he knew whatever she was going to say wasn’t going to be groundbreaking but more of a regurgitation of her previous sentiments.  She had a  habit of getting stuck on one thought and if she felt that she could make headway with them then she would take action towards that, regardless of what warnings she received from him or any other member of the firm.  “Okay Kate, three days then your ass better be on a plane.”

Kate flipped through her notes and nodded affirmatively.  “Done.  I’ll call you tomorrow.”  She hung up and flopped down on the bed with a hopeful smile on her face.  It may be impossible but she was willing to at least give it a shot before the pair let their relationship go.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8**

_ August 2005 _

_RING RING RING_

_Bo sighed as she waited for Lauren to answer.  She was almost certain she’d have to leave yet another voicemail as her girlfriend seemed to be the most difficult person in the world to track down now that her residency was in full swing.  Although Lauren had braced her that changes would be coming as she moved further along in her residency Bo wasn’t quite prepared for the amount of time Lauren spent at the hospital._

_“Hello?”_

_“Oh...Lauren?”  Bo smacked herself in the head at how surprised she sounded when the blonde actually answered the phone.  She heard the slight sigh on the other end of the phone and clenched her jaw slightly at the exasperation she knew was coming._

_“Hi Bo, is everything okay?”_

_The brunette bit back the sarcasm that was dying to surface as it would only destroy any chance she had at potentially having a nice night with her girlfriend.  She’d practically memorized Lauren’s schedule in attempt to figure out when the blonde would have some free time but every attempt she had made recently for them to get together was either met with an extremely exhausted doctor or some excuse as to why Lauren was busy.  She was getting tired of her efforts being thwarted and she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d put up with all of this._

_“Yeah, no...fine.  Everything is fine...Lauren…”  For some reason saying her name felt strange to Bo but to her credit she shook it off and laughed nervously.  “So, you have today and tomorrow off right?”_

_Lauren flipped through the research she’d been working on absentmindedly.  “Uh huh.”_

_Bo smiled as she pressed ahead.  “Good.  So….I was thinking maybe we could head down to San Diego for the night?  We haven’t had any alone time in a while?”  She knew she sounded a bit too hopeful but at this point Bo didn’t care.  She was tired of not being the priority in Lauren’s life and she was going to start doing something about it._

_Now, it’s not to say that Bo went as far as actually booking a hotel or making a dinner reservation because as she’s learned over the last year that doing so only led to further resentment and annoyance at having to cancel her plans at the last minute, sometimes having to literally pay for her stupidity with cancellation fees.  She wished things were different but for Bo she knew any sort of spontaneous outing or surprise weekend she’d planned would just not work in this relationship._

_“Sorry babe, can’t.  Have to finish this rese--oh Bo hold on.”_

_The brunette gritted her teeth as she waited for Lauren’s attention again.   She knew it should annoy her more but honestly she was used to it and that bothered her beyond belief.  She’d told herself when they first met that she needed to take into account the fact that Lauren was training to be a doctor and that this was her dream so who was she to stand in the way of that but in reality she wasn’t prepared for how much strain that dream would really place on them. After a few seconds Lauren came back and sighed lightly into the phone as she spoke softly in a more apologetic tone. “I’m sorry Bo, this isn’t a good time.”_

_Bo frowned and muttered softly.  “It’s never a good time.”_

_“What was that?”_

_Bo heard the annoyance in Lauren’s tone but she didn’t care.  The smart part of her knew she shouldn’t push it since she hadn’t had a night alone with Lauren in over a week but the stubborn side of her had control of her mouth right now.  “I said it’s never a good time Lauren.  It’s always work, or your precious research or worst of all sleep.  I’m trying to be patient here but it’s kind of difficult when I see you maybe once or twice a week for a few hours.  I’m not sure if we’re dating or…”_

_Amazingly enough Bo stopped herself just before throwing down a huge gauntlet.  Apparently Lauren knew exactly where this conversation was headed however, as she should given that this was probably the tenth time they’d had it.  “Go ahead Bo, finish what you were going to say.”_

_The brunette tightened her grip on the phone in frustration.  She had two choices here, she could pick a fight with the love of her life over something as trivial as wanting to spend a nice night together or she could be the patient, understanding girlfriend she knew she should be.  She went with option A.  “Honestly Lauren, at this point I’m not sure what to call it.  Sure, we see each other for a few hours a few times a week but what do we get out of that?  I can’t speak for you but I can tell you it doesn’t do a whole lot for me.”_

_Lauren pushed her notebooks aside as she flicked her tongue over her teeth in frustration.  “I’m sorry Bo but we talked about this.”_

_It wasn’t the first time they’d fought over this and every time Lauren found herself apologizing again and again for her work schedule or not wanting to go somewhere or do something because she was exhausted.  She knew that Bo had been very understanding and that she needed to do something about it or Bo would lose her patience soon._

_Bo laughed sarcastically.  “Yes_ Doctor _I remember.  You told me you’d be busier and busier, I just didn’t realize that meant you would basically disappear except when you needed to get laid.”_

_Lauren opened her mouth to respond but because of the shock of Bo’s statement nothing came out.  The brunette had hinted at this train of thought before but this was the first time she’d actually said it out loud.  Lauren could feel the tears burning hot behind her eyes as she huffed angrily.  “Well I didn’t realize you’d reduced our relationship to the very basic of functions.  Normally I would apologize for not meeting your needs_ honey _but I don’t see any need to since this isn’t about you and me Bo. This is about my career and my future.  Whether you’re a part of that future is your choice.  Now if you’ll excuse me I need to finish my precious research.  Goodbye.”_

_Bo couldn’t believe how fast the situation had spun out of control.  All she was trying to do was plan a nice evening with her girlfriend but now she’d basically been hung up on and managed to royally piss off the blonde, and worst of all she knew she did permanent damage by saying what she did about their relationship.  She wasn't sure where to go from here but she knew she’d have some serious groveling to do._

_ooOOoo_

_ January 2008 _

_“Good morning babe.”_

_Bo smiled as Lauren greeted her with a smile and a quick kiss before turning back to the waffles and bacon that she was making for their Sunday morning breakfast.  Since moving in together a few years ago and especially since they’d gotten married they made it a point to spend Sunday mornings together, just the two of them.  Regardless if they were having problems or not they seemed to be able to put their issues aside for a few hours as it was their time to be together and share a few intimate moments and it was the one thing they both looked forward to all week long._

_Bo smiled as she stole another kiss.  “Mmm good morning.  You were up early.”_

_Lauren smiled as she plated the waffles for them.  “Couldn’t sleep.  Sorry hun did I wake you?”_

_Bo laughed and shook her head as she poured a cup of coffee for herself after topping off Lauren’s and bringing it to the breakfast table.  “Nope, you know me I can sleep through anything.”_

_Lauren rolled her eyes and laughed as she set the plates down on the table before turning to grab the syrup for Bo and the powdered sugar for herself.  They settled into the food quietly and Bo moaned softly as she took the first bite of the fluffy waffle she loved so much.  “Seriously babe if you decide to change careers you should be a chef.”_

_Lauren laughed as she chewed on a piece of bacon and looked at Bo thoughtfully.  “You just like that I make you all these sweet treats for breakfast.  You barely eat any other time of the week.”_

_Bo shrugged and sipped her coffee.  “What can I say, you spoil me.”_

_Lauren laughed and raised an eyebrow.  “So you’re using me for my breakfast skills?”_   
  


_Bo laughed and nodded as she stole a piece of Lauren’s waffle.  Normally she drowns hers in syrup so every once in a while she steals a piece of Lauren’s to taste the fluffiness of the breakfast food.  Lauren had offered to make hers with powdered sugar as well but Bo would always adamantly refuse to give up her sticky mess.  “I am...you caught me.  This doesn’t change anything though right?”_

_Lauren laughed and shook her head as she sipped her own coffee.  “What am I going to do with you?”_

_Bo shrugged and dipped her bacon in the syrup before crunching on it slowly.  “I don’t know but you have a while to figure that out so take your time.”_

_Lauren laughed and nodded.  “I’ll do that.”_

_The pair ate in silence for a while before Lauren noticed Bo watching her eat instead of actually finishing her own plate.  “Everything okay hun?”_

_Bo gave her a small smile and set her fork down lightly.  “I was just thinking what this meal would look like with a few little ones joining us.”_

_Lauren’s eyebrows went up in surprise. This topic wasn’t new to the pair so she was surprised that Bo was broaching it again.  They’d had countless discussions that usually fizzled to some sordid agreement between them that it wasn’t the time for them just yet.   “Bo...we’ve talked about this.”_

_Bo nodded and chewed on another piece of bacon.  “I know Lauren but we said we’d wait til we’re ready.  You’re done with your residency, my business is up and running...isn’t now a good time?”_

_Lauren sighed and sat back in her chair as she pushed her plate away slightly.  “I think we’re just settling down Bo...don’t you think kids would be a bit much right now?”_

_Bo frowned as she looked at Lauren seriously.  “No, I don’t actually.  You keep saying we’re not ready...I’m starting to wonder when you will be ready?”_

_Lauren sighed as she looked at Bo with an even stare.  “What does that mean Bo?”_

_The brunette took a second to think about what she wanted to say next.  She knew this conversation had the possibility to be volatile and she didn’t want to disrupt the nice morning they were having.  However, being true to form, Bo couldn’t quite stop her thoughts from going from her brain to her mouth.  “That means that I’m starting to doubt there will ever be a time when we’re ready.”_

_Lauren looked at her in disbelief.  “So you think I don’t want to have children?”_

_Bo shrugged.  “I think you don’t want to have kids with me.”_

_And there it was.  The one thought Bo had been holding back this whole time.  The one thought that could destroy the surreal bubble they’d put themselves in pretending everything was fine.  The one thought that kept Bo up at night and the one thought that made her doubt everything she knew to be true with them._

_“Honestly Bo?  Is that how you really feel?”  Lauren had morphed into full professional mode and Bo knew she had shut down whatever emotion she was feeling.  Lauren was famous for being able to compartmentalize which normally was an asset given her profession but could be a detriment in the relationship at times._

_Bo picked at her napkin haphazardly.  “Forget it Lauren I don’t want to fight about this.”_

_Lauren snorted as she locked her cold glare on the brunette.  “I don’t want to forget it Bo.  I want to know why my_ wife _who I swore to love and give my everything to thinks that I don’t want to share children with her.”_

_Bo bit the inside of her cheek in effort to keep her emotions in check.  She wasn’t sure she’d be able to do this for long though so she stood up abruptly and took her plate to the sink.  She threw the discarded food into the trash and threw the dishes in the sink with a loud clank.  “No Lauren, I don’t want to discuss this because I don’t want to hear yet again why_ my wife _isn’t ready or doesn’t think now is the time.  So thank you for breakfast, but I’m done.”_

_Bo frowned as she wasn’t sure if that statement was meant for the convo or for the topic as a whole but she knew at the end of the day it needed to be said. She walked out of the room leaving Lauren to watch her retreat with a confused look on her face. She wasn’t quite sure what just happened but she knew Bo was hurting and she wasn’t sure how to fix it.  She ate the rest of her breakfast in silence and tried hard to figure out a solution to their problem.  If it was just about communication that would be one thing but she knew it ran deeper than this.  Bo was legitimately hurt by her wanting to delay children until they were financially and emotionally stable.  She didn’t see it as a bad thing but apparently Bo didn’t agree.  She knew this was bigger than just their decision about children but the problem was she didn’t know what to do about that._

_ooOOoo_

_ June 17, 2014 _

_“Lauren…I’m sorry about today.  And…I…I need to tell you something…”_

_Lauren looked carefully at Bo. Her watery eyes and trembling lips had her dreading what her wife was going to say next. She had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach and instantaneously knew that whatever Bo was tell her was going to change the course of their lives forever. In that second, Lauren pushed aside all her disappointment and anger and did something she rarely did. She chickened out._

_She turned away again and tried to take her arm back."Bo, please let's just go to-"_

_Bo just tightened her hold on Lauren slightly to let her know she was serious  "No Lauren, I need to tell you. It's killing me and I know its hurting you too."_

_"Bo you don't-"_

_"I've been having an affair Lauren." Bo half yelled, half sobbed._

_And there it was.  The truth._

_The words hit Lauren like a slap in the face. It hurt. She felt the words tighten in her throat then go down to her chest where it blossomed into the worst kind of heartache she's ever experienced. Finally the confession settled in the pit of her stomach making her feel nauseated._

_Did she suspect? Well… she had an inkling, she wasn’t stupid after all. All those late work meetings and the recent heavy workload didn't sit right with her, but who was she to start accusing? Bo had the patience of a saint when they first got together regarding her schedule. How could she start throwing accusations around, especially if it turns out Bo really was working her butt off for them just as she herself did earlier?_

_But she was right._

_Her gut which had almost never steered her wrong was right and she had ignored it. She knew better and yet she still let herself be played the fool all this time. She felt her anger swell and take over. Before she knew what she was doing she had ripped her arm out of Bo's grasp and took a few steps away from her wife._

_Her wife._

_Bo was her wife._

_The one person of all the people on this earth who promised not to betray her. The one who vowed to take care of her for the rest of their lives. This woman, her wife, had done one of the worst things she could do to hurt her. She did it knowingly and of her own free will. That fucking bitch._

_"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Tell me you're joking. Please."_

_Bo watched in horror as her sweet wife yanked her arm out of her grasp as if she was burned and put a sizeable distance between them. It might of only been a few feet but to Bo it could've been an ocean. 'Holy fuck, what have I done?' she thought to herself after Lauren venomously spat those words at her. For a second she didn't respond. She was trapped by the pure hate emanating towards her. Lauren’s hate was a tangible thing and she felt it squeezing the air out of her lungs. Bo couldn't breathe._

_With a tremendous effort she sucked in a much needed breath and with a shaky voice finally responded to her wife.  "No it's true. I cheated. I'm so-"_

_"Don't you say it goddamn you! Bo if you say sorry I'm gonna go insane!" Lauren screamed. Her anger which had become white hot had taken over her entire being. Hot tears fell down her face, but they weren't of sadness, at this point in time they were from her rage and frustration. She felt her arms shaking as she clenched her fists and her jaw hurt from snapping it shut after her outburst. Lauren felt herself lose control. She had never felt this way before and it terrified her that she wasn't in total control of her body. Just as she felt herself give in to this new feeling there was tiny voice telling her to calm down a little. This little voice of reason was trying to stop her from doing something she couldn't take back and Lauren recognized it as her saving grace. She closed her eyes and let this voice, her conscience, dampen down her anger to something more manageable, something she could use rather than let use her. After a few moments she opened her eyes again, but now feeling in control and a little wild at the same time. The only thing she was sure that she felt was the pure hatred for the woman sobbing in front of her._

_To say Bo was terrified was an understatement. Watching Lauren almost lose control and knowing that she was the one to put her through this broke her heart in more ways than she could imagine. When Lauren opened her eyes again all Bo saw was hate. There was no trace of the love she used to lose herself in. The beautiful brown eyes she used to compliment regularly turned against her. Bo wished she could look away even as her shame grew exponentially, but she was having trouble stopping herself from searching. Searching for some hint of love or affection towards her, but they were void. As she looked at the love she had lost Bo had broke down and sobbed. Her shame, guilt, sorrow, contrition...every feeling she never thought she’d feel in the presence of her wife swallowed her up and almost had her on her knees.  She had no dignity left._

_"Bo" Lauren said in an icy tone foreign to her own ears. "Quit crying. It does nothing for me. Pull yourself together and talk to me, or you can get your shit and leave." Lauren took a second to look at the mess of a woman in front of her. Somewhere deep inside she felt her heart clench as if someone stabbed her, but she pushed that feeling aside and focused on her hate. Lauren may hate Bo more than life itself right now but this was still her wife.  Still the person she’d loved unconditionally for all these years.  Through it all, she was still the person Lauren had fallen for and that angered her beyond belief.  This person, this woman in front of her wasn’t deserving of her sympathy right now so she did what she always did and locked her feelings away and focused on the task at hand.  As in the operating room she could apply the same method to her thought process and action here.  Sometimes her ability to compartmentalize has its uses._

_Lauren watched Bo with cold eyes waiting for her wife to pull herself together. If she would of seen Bo in this state just 20 minutes ago she would be holding her wife trying to soothe the pain away, but as it stands she could barely look at her let alone touch her._

_Finally Bo regrouped. As she got her breathing under control she realized that yes she was hurting, yes she was terrified beyond belief, but with that also came a sort of relief. She was no longer lying to Lauren. She had done a terrible thing and now she was owning up to it. Bo wasn’t a liar and there was something about coming clean and dealing with her problems that was almost cleansing. Still Bo felt lower than low for her deed and knew that this was the chance to let it all out in the open. She looked at her wife and felt brave. Brave enough to get through this. Brave enough to fight for Lauren. First she had to know something._

_“Can you ever forgive me?” Bo held her breath as she waited for her answer._

_“No Bo, that isn’t how this conversation is going to play out. I’m the one asking the questions and they’re going to be answered so either you stay and give them to me or leave and never come back.” Lauren spoke with a sarcastic laugh. She spoke to the love of her life as if she was a child._

_Bo nodded her head. She felt something in her chest as listened to Lauren’s condescending tone. She hated when Lauren talked to her like that. Like she was less than. Yes she did make a mistake but she wasn’t filth. She surprised herself when she realized that feeling was of annoyance. She knew better than to voice it and swallowed it down. She wasn’t going to add to fuel to the fire of the worst conversation she’s ever had._

_“Was it a one time thing?” Lauren waited for her answer with boring her eyes into Bo’s . She hoped it was some drunken debacle. There might be a chance if this was a fling.  She prayed it was a fling._

_Bo took another breath. She knew things were about to get worse. She looked at her feet but spoke clearly as this was not something she wanted to say twice. “No, it was going on for a few months.”_

_Lauren felt like she had been sucker punched. She physically had to take another step back to keep her balance. Bo took a step towards her thinking that Lauren was going to fall, but Lauren put her hand up to stop her. “Do not get near me.” She closed her eyes and swallowed as she felt white hot anger shoot up her spine. At the same time she felt her eyes water.  She willed them to stop. She wasn’t going to cry in front of Bo and now wasn’t the time to go into hysterics. She still had questions to be answered. “Who is she?”_

_Bo nervously licked her lips. Here it goes. “Does it matter?” She asked trying one last time to delay the inevitable. All her previous bravery now deserting her._

_Lauren let out another dry laugh. “Of course it matters. Do I know her? Have I met her?  Did you bring her here into our home Bo? Please, tell me...I want to know who you've been making a fool out of me with.”_

_The sarcasm dripping from Lauren’s voice wasn’t lost on Bo and she braced herself as she knew the next few moments wouldn’t be easy.  Or fun.  Or anything she’d ever want to experience again.  “Evony.”_

_Evony? Lauren was confused. Bo couldn’t stand her. That can’t be right.  “Evony? As in Evony your bitch lawyer?”_

_“Yes” Bo gulped._

_“Who you pay?” Lauren asked her with disdain.  Of all the people Bo could have said Lauren was not prepared for this to be the woman who had managed to lure her wife into doing the unthinkable.  Fuck that, Evony didn’t lure Bo to do shit.  She had been in control of herself and Lauren felt a new surge of rage take over as she thought about this fact._  

_Bo repeated her answer a little confused. She couldn’t see where this line of questioning was going._

_“So she’s your whore?”_

_This time is was Bo who stepped back. She can feel her own anger starting to rise and again she kept it down. She had no right to be angry and tried to keep it in check._

_“No its not like that.”_

_“Then what is it like because it sounds like you bought a whore on retainer.” Lauren felt all the anger she was holding in come out now. She couldn’t stop the words coming out even if she wanted to.  “Wow Bo. Of all the things you could and would buy I never thought sex was one of them. Good for you. Now I see why you pay her so well… She has to earn that retainer somehow right?” Lauren closed her eyes and took another deep breath. When she opened them again she looked vulnerable.  As much as she tried she couldn’t stop the quiver in her voice as she spoke.  “Was I… was I not good enough anymore?” Her question came out with a sob she had no idea was coming. It horrified her that she might break down in front of Bo, but she couldn’t stop herself. She fell down the rabbit hole and the end wasn’t in sight._

_Bo opened her mouth to protest but Lauren barreled through raising her tone as she went on.  “What does she have that I don’t Bo? Is she prettier than me? She’s definitely trashier than me. Is that what does it for you now? ”_

_“No Lau-” Bo tries but Lauren went on as if she didn’t say anything._

_“Do I need to start acting like her? Need me to start dressing like a common streetwalker? Here, how’s this?”_

_Lauren, completely out of control now, starts to unbutton her shirt to prove her point. The small delicate buttons gave her shaking hands trouble and she could barely comprehend what she was doing through watery eyes. After a couple moments of frustration with no real progress she gave up and pulled her shirt apart angrily, popping the top few buttons off. She was so caught up in her shirt that she didn’t realize Bo had approached her until she felt her hands on her arms trying to still her._

_Lauren reeled back from her touch disgusted. “Don’t you dare touch me. You lost that privilege when you decided to touch your whore.” And for the second time that night Lauren tore herself from her wife’s grasp and took a couple steps away._

_Bo couldn’t bear to have Lauren thinking she thought Evony was better than her or had something she didn’t. At this moment Bo couldn’t remember why she was messing around with Evony to begin with. She also couldn’t stand to watch Lauren in so much pain that she struggled with taking off her own shirt so she’d stepped in and tried to stop her. For the second time Lauren turned from Bo like she was a piece of shit but this time she couldn’t hold her tongue **.** “Jesus Christ Lauren, you act like I’m going to hit you or something. I was only trying to fucking help you.”_

_“I don’t need any goddamn help from you of all people.” Lauren sneered. “I think you helped enough.”_

_Bo opened her mouth then shut it again. She knew there wasn’t anything she could of say that would help the situation. She just stood there looking at Lauren not knowing what to do._

_Lauren took a moment to collect herself again. Like it or not Bo’s touch snapped her back to reality and she was back in control. After a few heaving breaths she addressed Bo in a somewhat calmer but in no way warmer tone._

_“How exactly did it start?”_

_“I don’t really remember.”_

_Lauren snorts and rolled her eyes. “Don’t hold back_ dear _, tell me all the sordid details.”_

_At Lauren’s tone at dear Bo felt herself slipping again._

_“I was working late one night and Evony suggested we have a drink before we went home. One thing led to another and… I’m so sorry Lauren. I never meant to hurt you.” What Bo didn’t mention was when she spent the better part of evening complaining to Evony about a fight they had the night before. The more alcohol she consumed the more Evony’s twisted reasoning seemed to make sense. It took her months to realize she was playing right into Evony’s hands._

_“It that all it takes to ruin a marriage? A couple of drinks and some slut with her tits hanging out?” Lauren asked._

_Bo flinched at Lauren’s crude language. It wasn’t like her to speak that way._

_Lauren noticed Bo’s reaction right off and snarled as she laughed at her.  “What’s wrong Bo? I thought this is what you like now. I can be as vulgar as her. I just chose not to, but now that I know this is what you like I can lower myself to her level for you._ Baby.”

_“Stop doing that!” Bo yelled unexpectedly causing her and Lauren to jump. Bo immediately felt bad for yelling. After all this was all completely her fault and she deserved this, but she just couldn’t take the needling. Lauren was torturing Bo by turning their love into something dirty._

_Lauren smirked realizing she hit a nerve. It made her feel better to inflict some pain. “What’s wrong_ Sweetheart _? Can I not express my_ love _for you anymore?”_

_Bo grit her teeth at Lauren’s antics. She knew Lauren knew what she was doing. She ran her hands through her hair trying to calm herself. “You know what you’re doing. Please stop. I beg of you.”_

_“Please stop? Please stop?_ Honey _, maybe you should have ‘please stopped’ when you were shoving your head in between the bitch’s legs.” Lauren scoffed. “While we’re on the subject,_ Darling _, do I need to get tested for something? For my sake do you guys have a good health insurance plan?_

_Lauren had a look in her eye as she went of on her tangent, “I hope my coworkers’  don’t find out I have something. Not only would I be a laughingstock known as the cuckolded dyke doctor, but also the one who caught the clap. A Doctor who caught the clap. Might as well close my practice now,_ Angel _.”_

_As she listened to Lauren, Bo was running her hands through her hair again trying to assuage her anxiety at Lauren’s provocation. A large part of her knew she deserved it. More than, but Lauren’s hateful words were starting to really get to her and she didn’t know how to cope with her taunting. Of course she didn’t give Lauren a STD, but in that moment all rationality was thrown out the window. Bo was still fixated on the way Lauren was using her sweet words to her. Say what you will about Bo’s affair but it was never about hurting Lauren directly. Lauren was trying to torture Bo as much as she could and it was working. Bo didn’t want to leave the conversation unresolved, but she couldn’t take much more of this._

_“Lauren for the love of God…” Bo whispered between quiet sobs looking at the ground. Her tears a constant stream down her face._

_For her part Lauren knew she hit Bo’s limit with her sarcasm. She saw the damage she was inflicting. As much as Lauren wanted to revel in Bo’s pain, she couldn’t go on. Its not easy to completely turn off 10 years of adoration in the course of an hour. She decided to back off in that respect and not antagonize Bo so much._

_“How many times Bo?”_

_“I don’t know the exact number. It’s not like I was counting.” Bo replied quietly trying to calm down enough to go on._

_“Then ballpark it. Was it twice? Ten times? Fifty? A hundred? Give me something.” Lauren pushed._

_“Less than ten”_

_“More than five?” Lauren asked in a softer tone. The reality starting to really hit her now._

_“More than five.” Bo agreed._

_Lauren just stood in silence processing what Bo just told her. This wasn’t a one time thing, it wasn’t even twice. It was almost ten fucking times! This was something serious. Lauren felt what was left of her heart breaking. She looked up at Bo tears threatening her eyes again as she took it all in. With a much more soft and vulnerable tone she asked the question that has consumed her since Bo made her confession._

_“Do you love her?”_

_“No.” Bo quickly answered for the first time with real strength and certainty in her voice. “I love you Lauren. Only you.”_

_Hearing Bo’s confession broke what little resolve Lauren had left at not breaking down she backed up until she felt the wall a few steps behind her and sunk to the floor crying.  Bo started towards her but stopped herself after a step remembering her touch was not welcome. Watching her wife break down on the floor caused Bo’s flood gates to open again and she also started to cry in earnest._

_After a few minutes of them crying in silence Lauren spoke up first. “I don’t believe you Bo. You say you love me, but you slept with someone else. A lot. It wasn’t once. You didn’t just cheat. You had a full blown affair. Fuck you Bo Dennis. What did I do so wrong? What did I not give you?”_

_“No Lauren. Its not you. Its me. I made a mistake. A huge huge mistake and it’ll never happen again.”_

_“One time was a mistake. Maybe twice, but not really. But this… what you did wasn’t a mistake. It was intentional.”_

_Bo rubbed her face in frustration. All the reasons she thought she had to justify the cheating vanished into thin air. She couldn’t think of one good reason why she was putting them through this. Everything seemed to unnecessary now. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Im truly sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”_

_“Was it the children thing? Bo was that it?” Lauren laughed at the irony of it all. Should she tell her? She’s been waiting for the right time, but things kept getting progressively worse. Eventually she stop trying to think of a way to tell Bo the good news and instead focused on how to keep her relationship together. Should she spill the beans? Let her in on the secret? Tell her what she truly threw away because there was no way in hell they were going to have children together now. Lauren pondered her choice until she heard her little voice again. The saving grace from earlier. It was telling her not to say anything.  Let it go. The voice wasn’t wrong the first time so Lauren listened once more and kept her mouth shut._

_Bo knew that their inability to agree about them having children probably was the root of her resentment lately and there was definitely some unresolved issues there, but she didn’t know how to bring it up. She didn’t want to put any blame on Lauren as she knew this fell on her completely and at this point no matter what she said she knew she would be accused of using it as a scapegoat for her poor decision._

_“No Lauren it isn’t about that.” Bo finally replied. Wrong or right, she reasoned with herself that now was not the time to delve into that old argument and add more shit to the pile. She didn’t see the point in rehashing the same argument all over again. She knew where they both stood. What was the problem with one white lie? If, and the longer the fight went on it was becoming a bigger if, they got through this they could address children at a later point. That is…_ If _they were still together._

_“It has to be something. Tell me fucking something. This non-answer shit isn’t working. If it was really nothing we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now would we? Or do you not remember how to tell the truth? Have all the lies you’ve told of rotted your brain?”_

_“I don’t know Lauren!” Bo’s frustration spilled over yet again.  She knew she should give some great speech about how it all didn’t matter, it was a moment of weakness...just something to justify her destruction of the best thing she’d ever had in her life.  But as she sat there and looked at Lauren who in the moment was unrecognizable behind her anger and tears.  Her Lauren, the love of her life that she’d swore to protect and care for all those years ago was now broken because of her.  Her choices.  Her decision.  Her actions.  She wished she could alleviate the pain she’d caused but in this moment all she could offer was her honesty and sorrow._

_Bo looked at Lauren sadly and shook her head as she let the tears fall not caring how pathetic she looked.  She took a calming breath to try and gain some control as she looked at the woman looking at her as if seeing her for the first time and bowed her head in shame. “I don’t know.”_

_Lauren looked at Bo with hatred and something she would later come to realize as pity.  She couldn’t feel bad for Bo, after all she was the one who’d destroyed their marriage, but some part of her could see how lost and truly sorry she really was.  Not wanting to let this drag out any further Lauren turned to leave and looked at Bo with that look of disdain that had graced her features for most of the night.  “Then I don’t know either Bo.  Now get out.  I don’t care what you do or where you go but do not...do not come back into this house until you can give me answers and tell me why you chose a few nights of pleasure over the life that we’d built.”_

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Silence.

And not the fun, easy, comfortable silence.  

No.

This was the thick air, can’t decide if you’re suffocating or really breathing for the first time kind of silence.

Silence.

The seconds turned to minutes which were threatening to turn to hours if the pair didn’t do something about that soon.  Every now and again one would chance a brief glance at the other but neither knowing how they were going to broach the conversation they were obviously being forced to have.

“Why didn’t you tell me it worked?’

Lauren’s head snapped up at Bo’s voice cutting through the quiet air.  She looked at Bo with an even stare before taking a breath.  “I was Bo.”

The brunette held her hand up and gave Lauren a slightly annoyed look which surprised her considering the circumstances.  “Save the canned response Lauren.  I know you were  going to tell me when I missed that dinner.  And probably a few other nights when I conveniently wasn’t home.”

Lauren’s  face hardened into a scowl as she snorted slightly.  “And let’s not forget who you were probably doing when you weren’t home those nights.”

Bo rolled her eyes and sat back with a sigh.  “We can go round and round about that if you want Lauren but here’s how I see things.  I fucked up, you’ve made your decisions about us so now I’m just asking for practicality reasons.”

Lauren laughed sarcastically as she shook her head at Bo.  “Would it even have mattered?  Would it have deterred you from throwing away our entire relationship over a few nights of getting laid?”

Bo looked at Lauren with a mix of surprise and slight confusion.  As long as she’d known the blonde doctor she’d always been nice and caring and more or less proper given her upbringing.  To hear her talk like this, treat their situation the way she is was a bit of a shock to Bo’s system.  Raising an eyebrow she looked at Lauren with what she hoped was a calm and collected stare.  “You know damn well it would have and still does Lauren.  From day one I’ve wanted a family with you and from day one you’ve eluded it.  And since we’re laying all our shit out there then I want an answer Lauren.  All these years you’ve never given me a straight answer so I want to know why you wouldn’t even fathom having a family with me.”

Lauren bristled slightly as she held Bo’s stare with an even look of her own.  “Can’t you just accept the fact that raising children was never part of my life plan?”

Bo waved her hand slightly as if to brush off Lauren’s comment.  “Of course it wasn’t.  Give me a break Lauren you and I both know that is such bullshit.  There’s a reason but for some reason you won’t tell me what it was.  I guess at this point it doesn’t matter but honestly...I think you owe me at least that much Lauren.  Tell me why you never wanted to consider it.”

“Given the situation I don’t think you are in any position to be demanding things of me Bo.”

Bo looked at Lauren sadly as if realizing something for the first time.  Shaking her head she stood up slowly and looked down at the blonde with furrowed eyebrows. “No Lauren, the situation doesn’t matter and it hasn’t changed anything.  I’m still asking questions and not getting answers while being expected to do exactly what you want.  Well I’m done Lauren.  I signed your papers so I guess that’s it.  I thought we could at least discuss this but I guess I was wrong.  You would have thought ten years was enough time for me to realize you were never going to bend on this.  Stupid me for letting you string me along thinking that maybe, just maybe it would happen.  So bravo Lauren...you fooled me worse than I ever fooled you with the affair.”

Bo turned and walked down the path to wait for Kate’s return in the parking lot.  She couldn’t stand to be around Lauren right now and she knew it was her stubborn side that was causing her to focus on the fact that the blonde was still keeping secrets from her instead of trying to talk to her and maybe even work through their shit.  She’d gotten about ten feet away when Lauren’s voice broke through the air.  “I can’t have children.”

Bo froze in her progress and blinked a few times trying to make sure she heard Lauren correctly.  She turned around slowly and looked at Lauren with confusion.  “What?”

Lauren’s gaze was down in her lap and she laughed sarcastically as she spoke a little louder in response to Bo’s question.  “I can’t have children Bo.  Biologically I mean.”

Bo took a few steps back towards Lauren and looked at her with a panicked confusion she couldn’t recognize herself as ever having felt before.  “What do you mean you can’t biologically?”

Lauren finally looked up at Bo and the brunette’s heart broke a little at the sad look Lauren was giving her.  “I mean I went to see a specialist a few years ago and she confirmed my body wasn’t fit for having children.  I can give you the full medical rundown but the simple answer is bad plumbing.”

Bo’s eyebrows wrinkled slightly as she returned to her seat across from Lauren slowly.  “What?  When?  And why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Lauren shrugged as she smiled and did her best to fight off the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.  “How could I Bo?  Every time the topic of children came up you’d go on and on about how much you wanted a family and how you couldn’t wait to have a family together.  And it was a few years ago...right after we got engaged.”

Bo shook her head.  “No I mean if you told me I could have considered carrying the child Lauren.  I didn’t really care who gave birth as long as we had a child that was ours.”   
Lauren nodded and picked at an invisible piece of lint on her pants.  “I know Bo.  But I felt so...incomplete.  I mean really, if this were a few years ago when you were getting the business up and running how would you have reacted then?  Would you have just taken a step back to give birth to our child?”

Bo’s face hardened as she replied in a cold tone.  “I don’t know but it was a decision we could have made together.  It was a decision we  should have made together Lauren.  Instead you made it for us.”

Lauren’s features hardened in response as she stared at Bo.  “I made a decision to keep searching for an alternative Bo.  I made a decision to do everything in my power to give you what you wanted most in this world.  Unfortunately that search took time and it was time you weren’t willing to give us.”

Bo slammed her hand on the table in frustration.  “BULLSHIT Lauren.  If you’d have told me about this from the beginning when you should have we could have searched together.  We had resources Lauren.  Unlimited resources.  We could have figured something out.  I don’t understand why you don’t trust me with things like this.”   
Lauren snarled slightly as she looked at Bo with annoyance.  “What would you have done Bo?  Given me more of your blood money?  No, I was better off researching on my own instead of taking that money that would come back to haunt me one day.”

Bo looked at her with disbelief.  “First of all, that was not blood money that I put into the foundation, that was  my money.  For  your research.  For  our child.”

Lauren scowled and looked at her in frustration.  “And that research was successful Bo.  But you weren’t around when I needed you as usual.”

Bo sat back in the cold metal chair in her own fit of frustration.  “Lauren...get over it.  Lest you forget there was more than one occasion when I would be at home waiting for you while you were at the hospital only to find out you weren’t coming home.  You blame my absence for withholding something that could have changed our lives but yet you are guilty of the exact same thing.  So to that I say get over it.  That is behind us.  In the past.”

Lauren shook her head as the annoyance took over her slightly.  “You don’t think that was a huge sign that maybe we weren’t ready to have kids Bo?  Both of us had ridiculous schedules and there was no consistency to what we were doing.  How were we to bring a child into this world?”

Bo looked at her with a blank stare as she felt a huge wave of sadness wash over her.  “The fact that you don’t think sacrifices would have been made and we would have figured it out tells  me how much faith you had in our relationship Lauren.  You know good and well that I could have cut my hours practically in half to take care of the child and I’m sure you could have too once you hired that young kid to manage the foundation in your absence.  We were ready Lauren.  And for you to sit there and tell me you made all of these decisions in our best interest and that you didn’t think we were stable enough to have a family is mind boggling.”

Lauren bit her tongue slightly as she looked at Bo carefully.  She knew the brunette was right and she was kind of kicking herself for not bringing this to Bo sooner.  It was just, it was...hard.  This was everything Bo had ever wanted and Lauren just never figured out how to tell her that maybe she wouldn’t get it.  Lauren didn’t know how to handle letting down the one person who was her whole existence.  After all, how do you tell the one person who means the world to you that you are crushing their dreams because you literally cannot make it happen?

“I think at the end of the day it’s better this way.”

Bo looked at her with disbelief and anger on her face.  “Are you fucking kidding me right now Lauren?  How is this better?”

Lauren remained silent and Bo’s mouth dropped open slightly.  “You think I would have had the affair anyway.  Wow...I knew you were angry Lauren I just didn’t think you’d given up on me totally.”

The blonde just shrugged slightly.  “Like I said Bo, maybe its better this way.  Things were getting tough, we weren’t having problems exactly but they were getting strained and you sought comfort elsewhere.  That’s a big indication to me of how things would have been had we had a child so yeah, maybe it’s better.”

Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt Bo sat there quietly contemplating everything that been said in the last few minutes along with Lauren’s last comment about things being better this way.  Sure, they didn’t have the easiest of relationships but what they lacked in ease they made up for in strength.  One thing that Bo had always believed in was that no matter what was going on around them that they were in it together.  Hectic schedules, suffocating work loads, whatever else life threw at them.  It didn’t matter because for them they were in it together and had each other to depend on.  

Or so she thought.

It now seemed that the trust and connection that Bo had believed in was destroyed by both her own doing as well as Lauren’s apparent reluctance to be totally honest with her.  Yes, she cheated.  Yes, she was unfaithful.  And yes, she was the one to blame in the moment.  But looking back, is that better or worse than all the years Lauren held back something so significant from her?  Lauren, her wife, her best friend, her person couldn’t turn to her when she should have and included her in something that would have altered their relationship significantly.  No.  Instead she chose to handle it on her own and keep Bo in the dark to spare her feelings.  Where Bo should have been included she was held at arms length, much like she was the entire relationship, and expected to deal with the information in past tense.

Well fuck that.

Bo stood up angrily and shook her head in disgust.  “Fuck you Lauren.  Fuck you for your self righteous attitude now and all these years and fuck you for thinking so little of me.  I’ve done nothing but spend the last ten years by your side as you built your dreams and I thought we were building our future together in the process but apparently I was wrong about that.  So yeah, maybe you’re right...better how things turned out because I’d hate to spend the rest of my life wondering when the other shoe would drop and you’d make another big decision without me knowing.”

As she walked off again she heard Lauren’s sigh but this time she didn’t stop and look back.  Bo needed a few minutes and she needed them alone so she could clear her head and think a little bit.  Wandering down the pathway Bo could remember the first time they’d stumbled upon this business plaza that was tucked away in the shadows of some of the large engineering firms that lined the main cross streets.  

At first she’d been a little hesitant knowing that Lauren would be spending hours and hours at this place and she wasn’t sure how safe it was at night given the industrial surroundings.  But, like everything else once Lauren had seen it and decided she wanted it she pressed ahead not waiting to talk it through or consider the decision as a whole.  When Bo had found out Lauren was already making arrangements to have her equipment moved into the space she threw a minor fit about the whole thing.  Looking back Bo should have realized this was Lauren’s MO and it shouldn’t really be a surprise that the doctor would hold back on things that would affect them both if she thought she had a handle on it.

For all the things Lauren was that made her good at her job they seemed to be the same things that sometimes put a strain on their relationship.  Like this for example.  Bo knew all the clinical reasons Lauren would use to justify why she withheld this information from her.  But no matter what the doctor said they were all bullshit.  She wasn’t some random family member of a terminally ill patient who was being spared the gruesome details of why her loved one was dying.  No, she was her wife.  Her number one.  The person who is supposed to be there and get through shit like this with her.  But just like back then Lauren made the decision she wanted without giving her the opportunity to provide input and Bo was furious about it.  More so than when she’d decided to go ahead with the space for the foundation...this was so much bigger and not to mention important for both of them.

Them.  

It was a funny concept for Bo to think about at this point.  So much had happened recently that even thinking back on the simple times was a foreign concept to her.  Bo started to wonder what else Lauren had kept from her all these years and why the blonde felt the need to always try and protect her when they could have been facing these things together.

Like their family.  

Their child.  

The one that they would never have.

Stopping to lean against a nearby planter a sudden rush of emotion seemed to take over the brunette in a way that she was not prepared for.  In a matter of minutes it seemed as though her brain had fully absorbed what Lauren had finally told her and she just couldn’t believe that it was true.  Even with all the science and the one medicine and as brilliant as Lauren was it all didn’t matter.  God, or whoever controlled the universe was fucking with her now and she realized how quickly one statement from her partner humbled her in a way she’d never thought possible.  For everything she’d done, for all that she could buy and all the power that she had because of her family and her business this was one thing that the she couldn’t have.  The saying money can’t buy everything never made more sense to Bo than in this exact moment and she sighed as she realized the feeling that was slowly taking hold over everything else.

Sadness.

Grief.

Pain in knowing her wife, her partner of all these years was holding something this significant in and dealing with it on her own.  She took a few moments and let herself ignore on everything going on around her and focus on the pain Lauren must have felt.  The strong, confident, stubborn doctor never once gave any inkling of this being a problem so for her to finally break down and admit this must have been significant for the blonde.

Anger.

As quickly as the pain and grief had hit her they were quickly replaced with this emotion.  She was angry at Lauren for not letting her support her when she’d found out she wasn’t able to have a child.  She was angry that the pair had found themselves in this situation and that the child she’d wanted so much was the divide that had drawn them apart.  She was angry that she’d let her frustration with Lauren about this very subject be reason for countless fights and perhaps, to some degree, her allowing herself to be unfaithful.  She was angry that the blonde would never get to mother a child, something she was born to do regardless if she realized it or not.  Sure, most women have a maternal instinct that can surface when necessary but Bo knew Lauren was different.  She could easily see the blonde with their child and it made her both sad and angry to realize that vision would only ever be in her head.  She’d never have the opportunity to sit with the blonde as she taught their child about all of the things out there in this great big world.

“Bo?”

Snapping her head up the brunette saw Lauren standing a few feet away from her looking both nervous and annoyed at the same time.  The tone of her voice carried that of indignation and for a second Bo was furious with Lauren for not giving her space.  She started to open her mouth but Lauren put her hand up indicating to hold on for a second.

“I want to be clear Bo, I didn’t tell you that just now for any kind of reaction from you.  But, after all this time you were right, I owed you an explanation.”

Bo looked at her incredulously as she seethed.  “An explanation?  A fucking explanation Lauren are you serious?  That wasn’t just some random piece of information you forgot to mention.  It wasn’t like you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning or you didn’t buy milk this week.  You decided not to tell me something major and I’m just wondering what other things you’ve withheld from me.”

Lauren frowned and crossed her arms as she glared at Bo.  “I didn’t tell you because this was  my issue Bo.   My problem.”

Bo huffed and looked at her with exasperation.  “How is that your problem when it impacted us both Lauren?  Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Lauren growled, literally, as she raised an eyebrow in disbelief.  “And what would that have solved Bo?  What?  So you could feel sorry for me?  So you could feel sad that we couldn’t have a child?”

Bo sighed a little in resignation.  “Lauren…”

The blonde shook her head and huffed.  “No Bo.  You don’t get to do this now.  You don’t get to be sad and tell me how much of a difference it would have made because that’s all bullshit.  You would have done what you wanted to regardless.”

Bo looked shocked.  “Wait, you think the affair would have happened had I known about this?  I mean honestly Lauren, do you think I would have done what I did if I knew you couldn’t conceive a child?  You know what, forget it.  Doesn’t matter anyway now does it?  Like everything else you chose to keep that a secret so here we are because of that decision.”

Lauren locked her glare on Bo sending off the coldest vibes possible.  “If that is the only thing that would have deterred it then that is just sad.”

The pair stared at each other not really knowing what to say to one another at this juncture.  They’d had countless conversations over the years but none had quite the weight or impact that this one was shaping up to have.

“I think that we had our problems but that’s irrelevant Lauren.  I think this was something you should have told me as your wife.”  Turning away Bo did her best to take a deep breath and calm herself a little before she really exploded.  Truth be told she was both happy and sad that she now knew the truth behind why Lauren had been so resistant to the idea of their family.  It was almost easier when she didn’t know because then Bo felt some justification in her anger towards the blonde.  It’s not quite payback for Lauren never telling her the truth but Bo knew there was some level of resentment deep down inside that tipped the scales in favor of her having the affair.  But now, with this information, what is she to do with it?  Either way she looks at it she’s now the asshole through and through and that sparked a whole new level of fury within the brunette.

“You know what Lauren, now I kind of wish you’d never told me.  After all this time, all of the shit that’s happened, I hope you’re happy in your decision to not tell me this YEARS ago when we could have dealt with it as a couple.”

Lauren tensed her shoulders and stared at Bo with disbelief.  “You’re putting this on me?”

Bo shook her head and turned to walk back to where they’d been sitting earlier.  “No.  Not blaming you.  But since we’re being so honest here I hope you realize that decision ultimately lead to the destruction of this relationship. Your decision to keep something this important from me speaks volumes of what you think of me and my ability to be your partner in life.  So much for the vows huh?  Through thick and thin?  Well I guess that only holds water when you feel it appropriate.  I don’t blame you Lauren...never have and never will.  I fucked up and I know it.  You are my wife, well you were my wife, and I would have stood by you through anything.  So no, I don’t blame you or put anything solely on you but you have responsibility in this and for that, fuck you.”

Bo walked off leaving Lauren to stare at her retreating form in total shock.  She hadn’t ever intended on telling Bo what the issue was that she’d been holding a secret all these years because she’d known from day one that Bo couldn’t handle that kind of information.  Medicine and science aside, Bo would have seen it as some sort of deficiency or rationalization for drastic action.  It was the major difference between the pair and by Bo’s reaction just now Lauren felt somewhat comforted that she’d made the right decision. Yes, it was unfair to drop this on Bo now but with the way they were ending things Lauren felt the need for Bo to know the complete truth as to what was happening with her.  It was the end of the line for them and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, the brunette was right.

Sighing she slowly followed the path that Bo just took and returned to the area where they’d been sitting earlier.  Her heart dropped when she spotted Kate sitting at the table looking confused and saddened.  Lauren slowly made her way to the table and surprised herself as she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.  She thought she was done crying over this situation but perhaps the weight of the day was getting to her and the relief from finally telling Bo what happened was catching up to her. 

“What happened Lauren?”

The blonde just wiped the edges of her eyes as she shook her head and laughed almost sarcastically.  “I don’t think today was as successful as you’d hoped.”

Kate nodded and looked down at the folder in front of her.  She sighed and slid it towards the blonde with a shake of her head.  “I’m sorry Lauren.  I thought things would have been different.”

Lauren shrugged and opened the folder with the documents inside that would finalize the termination of their marriage.  “it’s okay Kate.  But thank you for trying.”

She took a pen out of her purse and sighed before signing her name on the line indicated and passing the documents back to Kate.  That was the final act she would do as Bo’s partner in life and suddenly Lauren felt a sense of panic run through her slightly as she was unsure if she’d done the right thing.  She wasn’t sure if that “right thing” had to do with signing the documents, telling Bo the truth about her situation or withholding that form the brunette for all these years.  In any event it didn’t matter and Lauren knew what was done is done.  She walked back down the side of the building towards the parking lot where she’d left her car and did her best to keep her eyes focused and kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Perhaps she wasn’t ready for all of this but in the end, change is inevitable and for Lauren and Bo, this change was undoable. 

Kate watched Lauren walk away and shook her head as she glanced down at the paperwork in front of her making sure she had what she needed to return home.  She looked at both of the signatures, each appearing rushed and erratic which truly represented both the build up and the demise of this relationship.  The more Kate thought about it the more she understood this outcome was destined for these two.  Both strong women, both right and wrong in their choices and their decisions.  Both not willing to bend to the other in the times when they needed to most.  

Shaking her head Kate got into her car and sighed in the quiet of the small confined space.  For all the talking the two had done over the past week one thing held true.  Both never said they were sorry and both never said the other was forgiven.  Perhaps this was the breaking point for the pair, after all being able to internalize your errors is one thing but being able to acknowledge them is another.  It is the basis for which all great love stories are written and the ending for all tragedies of the soul. It is the concept that has changed lives and written history. Mea Culpa. And in the end, the only thing that matters when dealing emotion and more importantly, love.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 9

Kate squinted as she pulled up to the quiet office buildings.  She glanced down at the GPS on her phone and looked around in confusion as it appeared to be quite empty in the small plaza she had been directed to.  The address that Bo had given her took her away from the busy streets of downtown LA to a business district not far from downtown Long Beach.  She parked the rental car near the  walkway leading towards the buildings and followed the path up to suite 100 as instructed.

“Kate...over here.”

Bo gave the other brunette a small wave motioning for her to come over to the small table just outside the glass door.  Kate smiled and took a seat across from Bo looked at her expectantly.  She had to admit she’d been curious all night about what Bo wanted to discuss and now that she was here she had no idea what questions she wanted to ask the businesswoman.  “I have to admit Bo, I was a bit surprised you called yesterday.”

Bo sighed and nodded as she drummed her fingers lightly on the folder in front of her.  She looked at Kate with what appeared to be a shy smile and motioned to the office space with a nostalgic look on her face.  “This was the first location of the Lewis Foundation.”

Kate looked at the small office courtyard slowly  taking in the charming serenity that seemed to emanate from it.  She looked back at Bo with a smile not ignoring the fact that Bo ignored her comment about the confusion about being called here.  “Cozy.”

Bo laughed and nodded sadly.  “The intent of Lauren opening the foundation was to have a space to do some research while keeping up her hours at UCLA part time.  It was supposed to be something she could do on her terms and still keep her connected to medicine, which is the only thing she’s known in her entire life.  It was also supposed to give her more time for us to consider having a family. ”

Kate looked thoughtful.  “Sounds nice.  So what happened?”

Bo sighed as she thought about how their life was supposed to be.  She was supposed to get her business going, Lauren would settle into her practice and research and they would have more time to focus on their family.  All of this seemed to fizzle out however when Lauren’s work became increasingly busier and her own work became successful faster than she’d planned.  They were both constantly pulled in numerous directions leaving no time for them to follow through on the things they both said they really wanted...or at least thought they wanted at one point or another.

Bo leaned back in her chair and looked around quietly.  That question was more complicated than Bo was prepared to deal with at the moment so she just kind of shrugged.  “Life happened.  But it doesn’t matter now right?  Anyway, I brought these since it’s what you came all the way down from San Francisco for.”  Bo slid the folder across the table and Kate knew what was in them without even having to open it.  She had to admit she was a bit sad that Bo had given in so easily and she still wondered how two people who were seeming in the truest of love at one point were able to walk away from the life they’d built together with so little of a fight.

“Bo?”

Lauren walked up to the pair with some confusion on her face.  Kate had called her after she’d spoken with Bo and asked Lauren to meet her at the same location hoping she’d be able to get them alone for a bit.  She had been vague with Lauren about the reason why but once the doctor heard the address she knew the young mediator was up to something.  She’d almost declined the offer to meet Kate knowing she didn’t want to go somewhere that would bring up old memories but curiosity had gotten the better of her.  

To Lauren that location held all the promises of what her life with Bo was supposed to be...a representation of the dreams that had been shattered when they started having problems and then ultimately when Bo had cheated.  She’d expected to feel a myriad of emotions that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for a long time as she was certain Kate was going to want to have some kind of trip down memory lane.  She had expected to hear from the young mediator about why she should consider having a discussion with Bo about what was going on and she had been prepared to argue why as it wasn’t something she wanted or needed at this point.  She thought she was prepared for whatever Kate had in store for her except the one thing that she found waiting here.  What she hadn’t expected however was to see her wife, or soon to be ex-wife rather, sitting there with Kate waiting for her.

The blonde ignored Bo’s presence and looked at Kate expectantly.  To her credit the young mediator looked somewhat sheepish as she looked at the pair with a sly smile.  “Bo requested this meeting with just us three and I agreed.  Thought it would be good to get you two away from the offices and the lawyers and the formality of it all and just talk.”

Lauren crossed her arms over her chest and looked skeptical.  “I’m surprised Bo went anywhere without Evony.  Seems she can’t seem to keep away from her these days.”

Bo sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes as she leaned back in the chair pouting slightly.  “And I’m surprised to see that Tamsin let you out of her sight.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t have a tracking device on you.”

Lauren finally turned to look at Bo and she smirked slightly as she sneered at her.  “What’s wrong honey jealous are we?  Concerned that my attorney is taking things beyond the board room?”

Bo tutted slightly as she folded her own arms over her chest.  “Of that half brained idiot?  Never.”

Lauren pretended to laugh sarcastically.  “A few months ago I would have said the same about Evony but as we both know the difference between me and you is that I can separate personal from professional.”

Bo frowned and looked at Lauren in annoyance.  “If you came here to argue then I’m leaving.”  She turned to the other brunette who was watching the scene unfold with some level of trepidation on her face.  “Kate, you got what you needed...goodbye.”

Finally snapping to action, Kate stood up and held her arms up slightly.  “Okay hold it.  Lauren, sit.  Bo, sit.  Now listen up, this is how we are going to do things.  I’ve spent the better part of the last few days listening to you two, and your counsel, argue with no actual communication happening.  I brought you two together to see if there is any part of this relationship worth salvaging, but the only way you’re going to figure that out is if you actually talk.  Do you think you can handle that?”

Bo and Lauren did as they were told and took their seats slowly while continuing to glare at each other without saying anything.  They both had their reasons for being hesitant to open the floodgates that would escape once they really started having an honest conversation.  It probably was fair to say that they already knew what the other would say but at this point it was mostly pride that was precluding them from being able to actually voice their thoughts.

Kate looked at them with exasperation.  “Well?”

Bo sighed and nodded slowly while Lauren just kind of grunted and looked away not wanting to make eye contact with her wife.  Kate rolled her eyes at their childish behavior but she had to admit she was pleased they were at least willing to entertain the possibility of a real discussion.  She reclaimed her own seat as well and looked at them waiting for one of them to break the silence.  After a few minutes of Bo studying the table in front of her while Lauren seemed to find the architecture of the building fascinating Kate finally gave in and started things off.  “Okay, well since you both suddenly have nothing to say how about I give you my--”

“Why did you never want kids Lauren?  The real reason...spare me the bullshit you’ve been giving me all these years.”

The outburst was a surprise to say the least and Kate looked from Bo to Lauren silently wondering if she was about to experience WWIII right here, right now.  She hadn’t really planned out what she was going to say to them but Bo’s interruption was both welcome and a bit confusing as she hadn’t expected this to be the topic of conversation.

Lauren seethed silently for a few minutes trying to keep control of both her anger and her emotions as she looked at Bo behind stoic eyes letting her doctor persona take over.  Bo frowned as she noticed the slight change in Lauren’s expression and she knew the rest of this conversation was pointless.  As usual, when Lauren felt she was being cornered or she wasn't happy about something she suppressed all emotion and became Dr. Lewis which frustrated Bo to no end.  It was challenging enough to communicate rationally when things were strained but when Lauren shut down it was all Bo could do not to yell and scream at her about not caring, or rather her inability to show any kind of emotion where they were concerned.  The traits that made Lauren such a successful surgeon were the same ones that Bo loathed in their personal life and at the moment she didn't give a shit about keeping her composure or rational thoughts.

“Well?  I’m waiting Dr. Lewis…”

Lauren showed no emotion as she looked at Bo and calmly spoke to her as if she were addressing one of her patients and trying to explain a complicated procedure to them in layman's terms.  “The reasons I have given you are not bullshit Bo, but I wouldn’t expect you to understand things from my perspective.  In fact, I now question the basis for our entire relationship as it seems you can’t seem to grasp any concept that deviates from your line of thinking and course of action.”

Bo leaned forward in slight anger as she balled one hand into a fist out of frustration.  “I’m sorry Doctor but we all don’t operate like you do.  Not all of us plan out every move we make to a calculated level of precision and not let real emotion or feeling play a part in our relationships.”

Lauren looked at Bo with what the brunette perceived as almost a bored like stare and scoffed in disgust.  “If you think having children wasn’t something that needed to be thought through and planned out then you’re right, you don’t live like me.”

Bo sighed in frustration as she felt the all too familiar feelings of annoyance creeping up on her due to the subject of conversation.  “And I am glad for that.  Yes Lauren, for your information I did think it through and in fact we’d discussed the financial impact as well as how having a family would change our lives in thorough detail.  Did you forget your rants about how you didn’t want our family to be tainted by the so called blood money that you scoff at almost daily?  Don’t forget honey, it’s that blood money that gave you the funds you needed to start your groundbreaking research.  Or maybe that’s not it.  Maybe you forgot about those nights where all you would do is give me some lame excuse as to why ‘now isn’t the right time’ before walking away.  Because that’s all I remember Lauren.  You walking away...from the possibility of a family, from me, from our marriage at times.”

“But I’m not the one who went and fucked someone else am I?”

Dead silence hit the trio at Lauren’s last statement.  Kate looked at Lauren and shook her head knowing the blonde wasn’t going to entertain any kind of conversation about what went wrong in their marriage until the pair dealt with Bo’s infidelity.  It was a bit of the stubborn streak she’d seen in the office that first day they’d met and she knew Bo wasn’t willing to broach the subject of the cheating, at least not with some understanding that it was to work through it instead of fighting about it.

“Okay, well that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I suggested you two talk but I think this is good.   Right? I mean, okay, not good but…”

Bo put her hand up to stop Kate’s rambling in an attempt to salvage the situation.  She stood up and nodded at Kate before looking at Lauren with a neutral stare with traces of a sad smile on her lips.  “It’s okay Kate, you tried but as you can see I don’t think this situation can be resolved.  My wife won’t get past this or attempt to try and talk about this rationally so I think you should go ahead and give her what she wants.  You see Kate, when Lauren wants to discuss something we have to do it right then and now but when it comes to things that are important to me she cannot be bothered.  At least not with the big things.  Like a family or what we want our future to look like.  Apparently that was beneath her to discuss as she’d seemingly made the decision for us so why go through the motions of actually handling it like a couple instead of the selfish route that she took.  If she wants to use this as an excuse for all of our problems then go ahead. It doesn’t change the fact that we had problems long before this.”  Bo motioned to the papers that Kate was holding and turned to walk back to her car.

“Fuck you Bo Dennis.  You don’t get to make me the bad guy here.  I’m not the one who violated the sanctity of our marriage and stepped outside to screw someone else.  I’m not the one who shut out her partner when things weren’t going her way and then tried to play the victim in this whole situation.  And I’m certainly not the one who didn’t just slip once but had a full blown fucking affair.”

Bo turned and could literally feel the anger radiating off of Lauren but instead of making her feel bad it seemed to only fuel her own anger that she’d been working so hard to keep in check all these months.  “No Lauren, you’re not.  But you are the one who always had an excuse for everything.  You are the one who used work as an avoidance technique and who would never let me all the way in about what you were feeling. You are the one who made the decisions without ever telling me then getting mad when I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

Lauren laughed sarcastically and shook her head.  “And you are the one who instead of talking to me about how you were feeling decided to take matters into your own hands.  Literally.”  Truth be told she knew there was some truth to what Bo said.  More often than not she was acting without making sure Bo was in line with what she was doing, mostly a result of her job where she was used to making tough decisions and taking action and not always stopping to think before she did.

Bo shook her head and took a step closer to Lauren out of anger.  “Don’t change the subject Lauren.  Because fact of the matter is YOU are the one who shut me out to the point where I even considered taking matters into my own hands.”

Tears formed in Lauren’s eyes as she thought about that last statement from Bo.  It wasn’t lost on her that Bo was basically blaming her for the cheating.  Not in a roundabout way but flat out telling her that she pushed Bo into Evony’s bed.  That was something she wasn't prepared to face, at least in the presence of another.  Sure, she knew they had their problems and that communication was an issue with them but she also knew no matter what it didn’t justify Bo’s actions.  

Lauren nodded and bit the inside of her cheek a bit to keep her composure.  “Well I’m sorry you feel that way.  Apparently my assumption that at some point you would be able to handle our problems like a grown up were overestimating your level of maturity Bo.  And I hope you are happy with your choice because no matter what kind of problems we were having we could have dealt with them.  But all of that doesn’t matter now.”

Bo nodded in agreement for the first time in what felt like forever.  “No, it doesn’t.  Because all of this doesn’t matter.  This isn’t about the affair Lauren.  It’s about more than that.  It’s about our failed marriage.”

Lauren looked at her with a bit of surprise.  “I can’t believe you even noticed things were going badly Bo.  You were so wrapped up with work and everything I was starting to think you just came home to sleep.”

Bo snorted and shook her head.  “I don’t know what you’re complaining about Lauren.”

The blonde looked at her with confusion.  “What are you talking about Bo?”

The brunette sighed and shook her head sadly.  “I’m talking about the fact that even when things changed you didn’t see it.  You’re so wrapped up in your own head that you don’t see the things that are right in front of you.”  There were a million things Bo could have been referring to with that statement and Lauren stared at her with the stoic look Bo had become so accustomed to as her mind reeled.

Fuck no.

It dawned on Lauren what Bo was referring to and she tensed slightly as the full weight of the statement hit her.  “Including the fact that you continued sleeping with me while you were fucking her?”  True, they’d discussed that and Bo had admitted how long the affair was going on but Lauren had done her best to compartmentalize then and now it seems as if everything were fresh and hitting the surface again.  Perhaps it was because she hadn’t voiced the thoughts before or perhaps it was because it hadn’t been put so bluntly to her but she was realizing how far this affair stretched into their lives.

“Tell me Bo, say it.  Say you were going from her bed to ours and even that didn’t keep you up at night because as I recall sleeping peacefully was never your problem.  You disgust me Bo Dennis and you know what?  I can’t even complain because you and I both know where your true talents lie. Dear.”

She knew Lauren was egging her on but for some reason Bo wasn’t looking to carry on the fight that was fizzling just below the surface.  Instead she looked at her calmly but with remorse.  “I don’t know what else to say Lauren.”

The blonde looked at her shaking with anger as she balled her hands into fists reminiscent of the night when Bo had first confessed.  “There is nothing else you can say Bo.  There is nothing that would justify this and nothing you can blame me for that would result in your infidelity.  You fucked up Bo.  You ruined us and for once you and your money can’t fix the problem.”

Bo’s face hardened slightly at the mention of money.  “What does that mean?”

Lauren felt the anger swell and she took her own step closer to Bo in frustration.  “The foundation.  The research money.  You were buying what you wanted Bo.  Your family.  You manipulated the situation to get what you want.”

Bo slammed her hand on the table out of her own frustrated anger.  “And you withheld information about that.  For almost three years you fucking strung me along knowing that the idea of this working was something that I would hold on to.  Why Lauren?  Why go through all that trouble? Why not tell me about the research working?”

Lauren wrapped her arms around herself in effort to bring some comfort in this situation.  “I had planned to Bo.  But once again you stood me up for work or Evony or you know what, it doesn’t even matter. Fact is once again you skipped out on me and you’re right, I made a decision for us then Bo.  I decided that if you couldn’t even keep your word to meet me for dinner that I couldn’t trust you to be there when our child was born.”

Even Kate had to take a breath at that statement knowing it was probably heavier than necessary at this point.  Bo looked at Lauren with disbelief and shook her head sadly.  “The fact that you would even doubt that...I don’t know what to say Lauren.  At least I know now why you never fully let me in.”

Lauren held her stoic gaze and took a deep breath as she spoke calmly.  “And the fact that you don’t even dispute that confirms I was right in that decision.”

Bo growled slightly as she seethed.  “What can I say Lauren, I got used to giving in when it came to you.  Better to let it go than fight with you.  It was a losing battle when all you would do is shut down.  You did it earlier and you’re doing it now.  God Lauren, don’t you even realize you do that?  Because I sure as hell do.”

Lauren looked at her with anger and almost a pitying smile.  “What can I say Bo, may be I thought you wouldn’t understand.”

She knew Kate didn’t realize but that last comment was a dig at her upbringing.  When they first got together Bo would joke around about being the simple bartender that happened to end up with Lauren Lewis, the world class surgeon with the elite pedigree.  Lauren always comforted her making sure she knew the fact that Bo barely graduated high school and was working a service job when they met had no bearing on her feelings towards her.  In all honesty that was the complete truth and when they’d argue or what not she always made it a point to not bring up Bo’s education or anything about her background.  Well, that was until now.

Bo had to hand it to Lauren, this was the first time the blonde had really let the claws come out and she had to admit it was kind of what she had been expecting throughout their time together.  Lauren had always been so controlled, even when they fought it drove Bo crazy to the point where she’d sometimes annoy her just to provoke some kind of reaction from her.  But this Lauren was different.  She wasn’t holding anything back and it was almost impressive if all of her anger wasn’t directed at Bo.  

Bo smirked as she shook her head.  “You’re right Lauren, after all how could a simple person like me possibly understand someone as sophisticated as you.”

Lauren pursed her lips at this last statement from Bo knowing it was only in response to her dig at Bo’s education level.  As long as she could remember Lauren hated being known as “a Lewis” as she’d assumed she’d gotten a lot of things in her life due to her last name.  Thats why her relationship with Bo was so special to her.  It was something removed from her past and something that was hers and hers alone.  Bo didn’t care that her family was prominent in the medical community.  Bo didn’t have ulterior motives in trying to befriend or in her case romance Lauren in order to advance her own career.  Bo’s love for her was pure and honest and it was this reason that Lauren was so devastated when it all came crashing down.

Kate looked at the pair with confusion as she listened to this latest bit of their conversation.  She knew there was something she was missing but ultimately she was happy they weren’t at each others throats anymore.  She put her hands up and looked at them cautiously.  “Okay, can I make a suggestion here?”

Both women turned to her with annoyed expressions.  They both sort of forgot she was there and now that she’d made her presence known they weren’t sure how to proceed from here.  Kate gave them a sheepish smile and held up the folder that Bo had given her.  “I’m just gonna take these and go get some coffee...give you two time to keep working this out.  When I come back if you want Lauren, you can sign them and I’ll be on my way.”  She started to move towards the car but stopped and turned back to them with her hand held out.  “Keys.”

Bo looked confused and glanced at Lauren before looking back at Kate.  “What?”

Kate sighed.  “Give me your car keys.  You two need to hash whatever this is out and I don’t want one of you leaving before I get back.  So give me your car keys.”

Both women looked at each other and rolled their eyes as they handed over their respective keys.  It was ridiculous to both of them but Kate had a suspicion that if she didn’t take this precaution that she’d come back and they’d both be gone.  She nodded at them and pointed to each of them in turn.  “Okay, now talk.  Like grown ups.  I’ll be back.”

She turned to leave with some trepidation not knowing if this was a smart move or not.  She’d witnessed a pretty raw conversation between them and she knew there was a lot that hadn’t been said yet but absolutely needed to be put on the table if they were going to work through this.  She crossed her fingers as she hopped into her rental car and pulled up the GPS on her phone searching for the nearest coffee establishment.  One thing was for sure, if this didn't work she wasn't sure anything would.


	12. Authors Note

For those who read this story in entirety you’ll realize it was missing one thing all along...the author’s note which is unusual for me. This was done with a purpose and for those who wanted explanation along the way about the “why” and the “how” you see now why I chose to not include it as each chapter was posted.

So, for the story, many have asked for an epilogue but I’m going to do that instead in the form of an author’s note. So here it is...take it for what you will...

This story, for all intents and purposes was fictional yes however what if I told you the whole premise was based on fact? What if Bo and Lauren were real people dealing with real issues that were embedded in the story masked by the fictional world that Lost Girl exists in? 

Perhaps as an author it was a way for me to tell a real life story without judgement or criticism being placed prematurely. Perhaps it was an effort to try and process a little some of the things that are real life issues unbeknownst to the reader that the things that were said and done in this story were based on fact. So, knowing that, I wonder if any of you would change your perception of the story? Of the characters? Of what happened to them both in the “past” and in the “present”? 

One comment that I have seen continuously on many stories is thats not how it would happen in “real life.” So this story was an attempt to show how real life is just as fucked up as fiction. 

So here’s the truth: Bo and Lauren are based on two very real people and this was my attempt at telling their story. It's apparent that some readers do not agree and have their opinions and that’s fine. But know that this story is very real and the ending, such as in real life, is what it is. There is no fairy tale happily ever after. There is no Hollywood magic ending. If you didn't enjoy the story that was told, mea culpa. 

The end

P.S. Wtf is up with Lauren being preggers? When did I say that?


End file.
